Anger

Hi all. My mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in February but didn’t tell me until May. She was put on hospice care at home and I think it’s now getting closer to the end.

Yesterday, my dad called and said she was in horrendous pain and hallucinating and asking to go back into hospital for 24 hour care. She originally said she never wanted to go back. I spoke to her and she did nothing but scream at me on the phone and telling me to stop playing up. 

I was going to head over to their house (I live an hour away) but again, my mum screamed at me because they had major flooding, and was saying “oh great, another thing for me to worry about.” So I didn’t go. 

I rang today and my dad said he was struggling to get hold of her new medication and the chemist had sent him into the town center where cars and houses are literally submerged. I was telling him not to go and that I would go over instead. I heard my mum screaming again saying that “you are making everything 1000 times worse, this is why I didn’t want to tell you.” I’ve been reading up on end stages and I get the anger but it’s hurting me so much rhat she’s so angry towards me. I’m trying not to take it personally but the pain is physical. I can’t breathe. I dont want my mum’s last words to me to be ones of spite and anger. I don’t know what to do or who to turn to. I feel so alone. I just can’t move. 

I don’t have any one to talk to as I feel like I am just being miserable and a whinging, moping person to be around. I feel so alone.