Hi, my best friend of over 30 years is being treated for bladder cancer. I posted this in the 'general chat' forum and have been recommended to copy it here so apologies if you've read it twice.
She and her husband are nearly 80, it's been a terrible shock to everyone as they have both always been fit & active.
She has had several courses of chemo in preparation for extensive surgery planned for early November, and the treatment has flattened her. She is in too much discomfort to leave the house except for medical treatment, she has just had 5 days in hospital for an infection as her immune system is compromised by the chemo and has come out looking so much worse.
I visit as often as they ask, her husband is very deeply upset although, being of the 'stiff upper lip' age group, tries not to show it.
They have never been huggy-kissy people however in recent weeks her husband is becoming tearful when I leave. He sees me down their drive to my car and keeps his composure until out of sight of the house, but cannot keep it up once she can't see his distress.
My feeling is that it's ok for him to let his emotion overcome his reticence when his wife isn't aware, I've said the stiff-upper-lip is for her and it doesn't matter if he lets his distress show to me, as I share it and am not in the least embarrassed.
Do people feel that's the right approach or should I tell him to pull himself together? I'm sure he does so before returning to the house but unsure if his embarrassment at showing his distress is making it worse for him.
They have been like family to me for decades now, all advice welcome, thanks for reading.
Hello LizM
I have just come across your post and am so sorry to read about the situation with your best friend and her husband - it must be so hard for all of you in the circumstances. I notice you haven't had any replies so by me responding it will "bump" the post up to the top of the forum and I hope you will receive many more replies.
On a personal note having read your post a number of times I think that you have the right approach to the issue. He needs somewhere to share his emotions and where better than with a friend of his wife. Yes I think being strong for her in times of need is great but we all need some TLC and you are the perfect person to share his emotions with.
Tears are a strange thing I am a man, married for 44 years, children and grand children, never cried until I started on Hormone Treatment for my cancer - it's definitely not wrong for a man to show his emotions by crying! I can cry now at the drop of a hat.
Carry on doing what you are doing - you are doing a fantastic job - and deep down he will appreciate it.
If I can do anything else for you please come back to me.
Best wishes - Brian. x
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