I Dont know what to say

Hi LibraryLil 

First of all - not selfish at all - or if you are so is everyone here!

Some people choose not to talk about cancer at all, sometimes it can feel that is all they have become and somehow the "real me" got lost somewhere.

We do have some pages around talking about cancer that includes dealing with other peoples reactions here.

Other than that - how are you feeling? We have some quite good pages in your feelings when someone has cancer.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you steve,  My son doesnt want to talk about it at all. ( thats fine, its his cancer and he will deal with it in whatever way is best for him, i will support him however i can and however he is happy for me to). 

what i find hard is when i meet up with friends, or distant relatives who perhaps dont know, or know very little, I dont want the conversations to always be about my sons cancer, not fair on my son, or the other people, or me. As my son also lives with mental health issues ( emotionally unstable personality dissorder, ADD and Autism) he doesnt work, and so i struggle with what to say when people ask me what he is up to .   truth of the matter is, he is living, thats what he is up to. 

People want to know about his work, career, relationships, hobbies etc, what do i say if none of those things are relevant. 

as you can see my post is all about me, hence the selfish comment. 

I will certainly take a look at the pages you suggest - thank you for those, much appreciated. 

LibraryLil 

Hi

My son has been living with my wife's cancer for many years, he also has autism and sometimes trying to untangle his needs from everything else can be complicated. We were really lucky to find a few local charities, OASIS, Autism Oxford and KEEN that were very helpful. We had a fun route through his education with having to file for tribunal to try to sort out his secondary education. Only at that point really did the education system start to treat us as adult partners - why they have to make it so hard.

We just hit a new milestone in our journey in that Michael has been ill for some time but not really sure why and he decided nobody was taking blood from him. We are now on a better course though following the shock diagnosis of a benign brain tumour - so more hospitals and they finally broke through the taking blood bit.

Humans are by nature a social species so it is natural to ask about family and can show some care that they knew enough about you to ask about your son. Hopefully the questions seem fairly natural and perhaps you can answer in something really neutral like he is doing okay - how often do we say we are okay even when it mgiht not be the truth. How often when people ask how we are do they really have the time or want to know.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve, 

So sorry to hear of your wifes  and sons diagnosis. I wish you all, the very best. 

right with you there on education etc and also autism diagnosis- it took me 14 years to have george 'statemented' in order to release extra support at school. 

there really are some fabulous charities out there - so underpaid, under resourced and  yet are indispensable to so many of us. 

Lisa

Hi, My way of dealing with it is to say they are fine then quickly change the subject and say something like how are you? Turn the tables and fire questions at them to keep the focus off your son. 

Hi, My way of dealing with it is to say they are fine then quickly change the subject and say something like how are you? Turn the tables and fire questions at them to keep the focus off your son.