It's taken the best part of a week for me to be able to write this post. I realise a lot of this will come across as quite selfish, as I'm not the one dying of cancer, that's my dad. But I just need to get it of my chest. Thanks for listening.
Last Thursday we got the news that we'd been dreading, that my dad's treatment has been terminated by the hospital. The cancer is growing and there is nothing more they can do. He will now have home visits from the Macmillan nurses to help manage his pain. Although this was not wholly unexpected, it's still left me in a great deal of shock and disbelief. It's finally real, my dad will die of cancer. I feel guilty that I wasn't with him when he got the news. I thought he was going to have a scan before they made any kind of decision to continue or withdraw treatment. So I had planned to be with him then. It cuts me up inside that he had to hear that awful news all by himself.
My dad is still very independent despite his diagnosis. However, since my brother has found out about the treatment ending. He acts like he just expects my dad to lay down and quietly wait to die instead of living his life to the full to the very end (which is what my dad plans to do. Or a usual as my dad would put it. I don't think he plans on doing of cruise or sky diving.) Also my dad and brother don't have a good relationship and he hasn't had anything to do with my dad for the past year since he got his diagnosis and now the end is nigh my brother's suddenly appeared on the scene playing the doting son which is hard for both me and my dad to stomach.
Hi PixieStyx
Sorry to read about your dad but he seems very level headed - going to go on living until he does not - perhaps that is all any of us can do really.
Certainly a terminal cancer diagnosis can often bring families together and just as often split them apart. Whatever has happened in the past may suddenly seem trivial and in other cases might be seen as unforgivable - it can be a real mess I hope for your dad's sake he is ok with however things go.
Cancer is of course not an easy conversation - not something we generally discuss over a pint in the pub for instance and often people discount anyone with cancer as dead already. Sometimes people suffer badly and then it can seem almost like a relief when the end comes. Other times people pass really quite calmly - perhaps a good death we could all hope for - just not today.
For your son we have a guide on talking to children than might be helpful. Often they can be more resilient that we ever give them credit for.
<<hugs>>
Steve
