Hi everyone, hope you're doing OK.
My uncle, who I'm quite close to, is going through the urgent referral pathway at the moment. It started with an enlarged lymph node that he thought was a hernia for a while. He then started having chest and side pain. CT scan has found abnormalities on his lungs and kidneys and he's being sent for a PET scan. No formal diagnosis yet but safe to say it isn't looking good.
At the same time, I'm going through trauma therapy because my childhood was abusive and chaotic. I'm not speaking to my dad (his brother) at the moment because I'm feeling so angry at the awful things he's done. Whenever I go back to see my family it can either be OK, or can leave me feeling extremely mentally unwell, and I never know which. It's always emotionally taxing and triggering either way.
In summary, I want to go and support my uncle, spend time with him, but I can't because my family aren't healthy for me to be around, plus I have to work on my own stuff. I feel terribly sad and guilty about this. If anyone has any words of wisdom/support/understanding I'm very grateful.
Hi Arielle
Sorry to read about your uncle but good to see the doctors are working hard to find out what is happening with him. The time between some suspicion and a diagnosis is really very difficult. My wife's route to diagnosis was very long indeed and it almost felt like a relief to finally get a diagnosis since that meant we now knew what we were facing - and that was over 8 years ago now.
Family relations can get strained at the best of times to so you are possibly right to consider your health too. I know a number of my family are better taken in small doses - especially when they try to help but I know they are thinking of us and that they generally mean good.
One of the things I had to learn as a carer was how to look after me - because when I break it helps nobody, talking or even typing at complete strangers can be helpful. We even have a special space The Room just to vent and slam the door on the way out!
<<hugs>>
Steve
