Struggling with Mum's cancer recurrence

Hi Pip93,

Sorry to hear about your mum and your health issues, it's a lot for you to deal with all at once. Big hugs to you. Whatever you feel is completely normal, it's part of being human and loving our parents. It's hard to see them suffer and the fear of losing them is so scary. 

My dad has terminal  bowel cancer, his life expectancy is less than a year.  I'm naturally an anxious person. When he feels sick after eating, I go into panic mode, I'm thinking "oh my god, his tumour is getting bigger, he can't digest food. I don't want him to die". I would be upset and want to cry but I have to stay strong for my dad. When I leave my parents house and no one can see me,  I have a good old cry. It's been about 10 months since my dad's diagnosis, I have to say that my emotions are a bit better now compared to before. I'm slowly accepting the situation and accepting that it's outside of my control. It doesn't make me less anxious but a part of me has become more resilient, I'm not falling apart as often as before. I still get into a bad state but I recover a bit faster. 

I know it's difficult, try to take a day at a time, maybe your mum's cough is nothing sinister and there's nothing to worry about. We have a tendency to focus on the worst case scenario. As for your health issues, make sure you look after yourself! I recently had a cancer scare, I'm still waiting for the biopsy results. I think I've reached the stage of being totally overwhelmed, I don't have the energy to deal with such intense emotions and ironically it's helped me to be more calm. Not sure if that makes sense! But I know that my anxiety will kick in again if my dad is sick or mention he doesn't feel well. It's like a vicious cycle! 

I'm just rambling on, I'm not sure if this helps but just wanted to share that you're not alone. The Macmillian helpline is available if you want someone to talk to. I called them several times when my dad was in hospital, they are so helpful. Good luck with everything!

Hi fallingleaves88

Thank you so much, that's made me feel so much better just to hear someone else's perspective, although I'm so sorry abour your dad's diagnosis. That sounds incredibly tough to deal with. I think at the minute because I live with my parents and my physical health means I'm housebound it's hard to keep my negative emotions away from my mum and the last thing I want is to upset and frighten her. But talking on here has helped already, and I'll take each day at a time as you suggested.

Thank you again, that's a really kind and thoughtful response x

Also, I'm so  sorry about your own scare. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot x