Hi everyone.
I'm new to this so hopefully I'm posting this in the right place!
I'm partner was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just over a year ago. Unfortunately it wasn't caught in time and it had spread to the lining of his lungs and so we have been told it's incurable. He's been having immunotherapy which has been, for the most part, keeping things at bay.
The main problem at the moment is how depressed he is. We were planning our lives together and this has just changed everything. We don't live together - I only finished my university studies last summer when this all came about and I don't earn enough to support us both as he is not working, so I'm living with my parents. He lives in a shared house with very little space for himself so he ends up laying in bed all day with nothing to do. And his mental health is taking a real toll.
When I'm not working, we'll go out for the day - even if it means sitting in the car somewhere else...at least it gets him out of the house. But when I'm at work he doesn't know what to do with himself. He'll sometimes take a book out and sit on a bench somewhere, but even that is becoming tedious. He talks to me about feeling completely depressed as he can't plan or do anything. We're living in this limbo land as we know he will die of this disease, but we don't know how long the treatment will work for. It could be years if we're lucky. But that's the thing - he's so depressed that I think the thought of that scares him. How can he live like this for years? With no future? No plans? Nothing to do? No purpose?
I just wondered if anyone has gone through something similar or if a loved one has felt the same? I don't know how to pull him out of this mood and it breaks my heart seeing him like this and I want nothing more than to fix it - but I know I can't. I just don't know what to suggest he does during the day. And I can't help but feel guilty for having to go to work rather than be with him but I know I shouldn't. He needs a hobby or something or a reason to get up and go but I don't know what that is for someone who has very little space of their own.
We just both feel so stuck so any guidance would be really appreciated x
Hi PiazzaAnna
It might be worth your man talking to his GP about his depression, I know where I live they is a option for talking to counsellors that can help make plans going forward.
When my wife was diagnosed I really struggled while my wife seemed strong. I went to the world where I would have to live without Janice and stopped enjoying the day - depression sucks - talking can really help.
What did your partner do before he was diagnosed, what can he do now - even say volunteering in a charity shop can add a sense of purpose to his life. Humans are a social species and that contact can be very important - I can see you know in regard of your own work. I know sometimes I found work really comforting since I felt in control there - home was a real challenge.
If it helps you do feel free to call the helpline here to get support for you - it is very hard to help anyone when we feel broken too.
<<hugs>>
Steve
