My dad first had melanoma on his head in 2010 which went away - it came back in 2021. Every time my dad noticed something strange on his head, he's get it removed and it was all fine, but it kept coming back. He started immunotherapy treatment which we thought would help but it had only been a few rounds so there was no change/improvement. However, it's now spread to his neck, his liver, and his lungs. His life expectancy was sitting at 5 years but this has now decreased significantly.
My dad and I never really got on when I was growing up (I'm 25 now), but since moving out during Covid, I feel better about our relationship because of the distance. Since finding out the cancer had spread I've just been a complete mess and crying every single day. I feel like we've wasted our whole time together just butting heads, but I don't want to blame myself for him not working on his issues and taking them out on my mum brother and I. I know he loves me very much and he only wants whats best for me. I just wish we had a better relationship. I'm so scared to not have a dad, my whole world is going to turn upside down. I live 3 hours away from my family so I'm already thinking about my move back home just so I can be there for my mum and brother when the day eventually comes. My partner probably doesn't want to move away from work, he'd have to find a new job. I just want to be near my family.
I just know my dad is so scared. We're not very good at talking to each other about our feelings and just thinking about opening up to each other makes me uncomfortable, which is so frustrating because I am so devastated and I just want to cry to him about all of this.
I hate cancer so much I just want everything to be okay again and it never will be. I regret taking all of the nice moments we did have, between all of the bad moments, for granted.
