How do I reassure my Dad?

My mum died on 18 May from metatastic Lung Cancer, she was only diagnosed on 6 th April while in hospital.  My mum wanted to return home and as a family we all fought for this to happen as quickly as possible.

she got home on 27th April quite unwell with a sickness and diahorrea bug picked up from hospital..  I was the primary carer for her at home helped a bit by my dad, brother and husband.  My mum seemed to take reassurance from me being there.

we got 3 weeks at home with her which, were exhausting, distressing and hard.  However, I will always be glad that I was able to honour her last wish to pass in her own house.

District Nurses we’re on hand, day and night, to address any problems with breathing problems, pain, restlessness and were able to make my mum as comfortable as possible.  I’m so glad that I got to spend they 3 weeks with both my mum and dad even though it was so difficult.

Her last 2 days was particularly traumatic to witness but I was assured by District Nurses she was comfortable.  I’m still struggling to move on from the last 2 days due to the physical and emotional changes my mum went through which I relive when I’m trying to sleep at night now.  I was exhausted by that time and just wanted her suffering to end which makes me feel guilty now.

I so wish now that I had tried to spend more time talking, cuddling and just being with her.  While I was in it I couldn’t think of what I would have changed, it’s now being without her in my life and missing her so much I feel I didn’t spend enough time just being in her company.  We spoke about daft stuff and had some laughs but nothing really meaningful.

im so sorry that you are still in this situation and hope your dad remains as comfortable as he can and yous find as suitable place for him to spend the time he has left.

big hugs to you also as you are going through a really traumatic time which, will I’m afraid, get worse for you before the end.

Thank you so much for your words. I know it will get worse. I suppose I just have to expect anything to happen any time. I am spending a lot of time with mum and dad. I don’t want to intrude too much in their lives but I feel I want to be near. I am also talking to my dad a lot.  Thank you again 

You are in a situation where you just have to take one day at a time and deal with what’s right in front of you at the time.

I waited till after my mum died before joining this forum as I wasn’t coping with losing my mum, I’m still not.  I wish like you I had joined before she passed as so much goes on you are not prepared for and advice from others who had been through it would have helped me at that time.

remember to also take care of you