Last words you say to someone?

Please don’t be hard on yourself, this is so hard and you are going through this, I’m imagining, for the first time. Trying to deal with your own feelings and the reality of what’s happening. Trust that whatever you say is more than good enough. Don’t put pressure on yourself to say ‘ the right things’ . That’s a good thing that there’s nothing unsaid, so just be. I hope for comfort and love for you, as you do this for your Dad. X 

Hi,

My Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer 6 months ago. Things progressed very quickly. He is now end stage. I live over 300miles away and have been to visit most months. We have all travelled down to see him this week as a family.  Its been a mixed week of fatigue and some lucid moments. I feel today I could tell him the things I wanted to say. We are due to travel home tomorrow but I said I could stay. He shook his head. I just don't know what to do. Stay and things may go on for a while longer or leave and then come back in  few days.  So hard to know what to do. I don't think there are right or wrong answers in all of this. 

Sending love

The main thing to focus on here is that you can't get this time back. Make the most of every moment where you are able offer support and love for your dad. Sending love 

It’s so hard and as you said, there are no wrong and right answers. I think the thing to think if you’d know, whether him shaking his head is reflective of him normally? That could be useful. I think something else which I’ve learnt and having spoken to others who have gone through similar situations is that there’s only so much you can do and realistically there may come guilt with any of our choices. 

What do you want to do? And if you don’t get a chance to come back in a few days, in this moment, do you feel like that’s okay for you? 

Thank you so much, this has helped so much and brought me a lot of peace x

I think his head shake is reflective of him normally.  He was very clear with his responses yesterday.  We're going to see him again this morning and see how things are.  

Thank you

Well I had the call to come to see my Dad this weds. I made it without any delays to my journey.  He brightened enough when I arrived to have a small amount of water and knew I had arrived.  He then slowly declined.  He sadly passed away yesterday morning surrounded by me, my mum and my brother. It was peaceful.  I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else but in the same breath it was really harrowing to watch.  It's been exhausting and emotions are a rollercoaster. I am heartbroken but I know things will be less intense with time. 

I get that completely. My dad passed away on Monday morning, it happened quickly, my mum and sisters were there with him but I wasn’t (which I’d decided on). Im glad you got to go back again and have that moment. You’re definitely right, things will ease with time, sending love 

I'm sorry to hear this.  Yes a hard decision to know whether to be there. I'm glad buy found it incredibly hard to stop those images going round in my head before bed. I know it will get easier on time. Be easy on yourself xx