Hi, First post. My mum has been diagnosed with CLL for around 10 or so years now. She's been through 3 proper remissions now and is on her fourth. Last time was only the start of this year and we thought the medication was working but turns out it isn't and the treatment isn't working and her bone marrow is mostly cancer. They're waiting to do a biospy and more tests to see what the plan is next but its terrifying me as I am consitently anxious that there isn't going to be a treatment this time.
Her doctors have been brilliant with her through her journey, but it just feels like we're in the lurch again and time is ticking away to a point where she won't get better. It was awful in January, she lost so much weight and barely ate and I thought we were going to loose her then. Similarly, start of her third remission she almost died with sepsis and I had the worst anxiety.
I guess I'm writing because I don't know how to cope. This has been apart of our lives for so long and it's just consuming me and I can't even talk to my mum because she suffers with anxiety and depression (understandably so) and I feel guilty that here I am whining about how its affecting me when she's the one going through it again. I love her more than anyone else and I can't stand the thoughts that keep telling me she's not going to make it this time.
Hi josieposie
Thank you for posting here, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about here as you like many of us are going through something really incredibly difficult. I know it took me a long time to seek some help. I know first hand how frightening it can be seeing someone go through sepsis at one point I was told my wife was 50/50 if she would survive.
I wonder if it might help you to talk to one of the advisers on the helpline here - I know I have cried at them in the past but together they helped me realise what I needed to give priority to and what could take a back burner.
<<hugs>>
Steve
