Hi
I'm new to the forums. My parent (70 yrs old) was diagnosed with lung cancer on Monday this week. Please see my bio for details of what we know so far.
I haven't been in work since I heard as I was just crying all the time. I visited my Mum in hospital and at home as she's been discharged pending the MDT meeting for her options.
I've got a sister who I'm close with and my Dad is caring for my Mum.
I've got a supportive employer and am already booked in for a welfare chat with them as I'm anticipating I will have many wobbles at work and may need time off to cope with whatever happens.
I have a supportive partner who is caring for me when I'm sad.
I feel so guilty for even writing this down but I've got to make a decision on an overseas holiday (10 days) that my partner and I are due to go on in early June. My Mum has said she wants me to go on it but I can't go if there's any chance she'll take a turn for the worse and I'm not there. However if she's generally stable and is 'ok' I could go and make sure I stay in touch via messages (she's struggling to speak).
I need to make a decision by 2nd June for the final cancellation cut offs and I'm worried that with the incredibly slow pace we're getting information at the moment I won't have adequate information to make an informed decision in time.
I want the decision to be made for me but that can't happen. I'm also worried that I might go away and spend the whole holiday crying and regretting going.
My Mum seems very low and I can't tell if it's because of the cancer making her feel awful or if it's the shock and panic she feeling, or both. At the moment the only information I can base my decision on is what I can see in front of me and what I can see doesn't look good.
I don't want any of this to be true and wish I could turn back time so none of us are in pain and upset.
Hi AJay15
Sorry to hear about your mum certainly know how worrying things can be just after diagnosis, it can feel slightly more normal when we know a bit more and treatment starts.
You might like to post your mums diagnosis in our Ask a Nurse group as they will surely be able to translate the doctor speak in to something a bit more understandable. I know when my wife was diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma I did not even know that meant cancer!
Two things I did note in your message though, the first is your mum wants you to go and the second is that your mum has your dad and your sister for support.
If we look at your feelings when someone has cancer we can see your feelings are really perfectly normal. We sometimes even talk on here of anticipatory grief when we feel cut off from the life we were expecting. Paid and upset pretty much normal in these circumstances but sometimes just recognizing this is normal can help to make things feel less overwhelming.
<<hugs>>
Steve
