hello all
my husband had his first chemo last week and is still feeling very poorly. i'm at a loss as to how to support him. Everything i say is the wrong thing and he is biting my head off. He says it's all pointless and he doesn't want to continue with the treatment. He says what is the point if it just makes you feel this ill? He is a contractor so doesn't get sick pay - and this doesn't help him or his mood. I've said that we can manage if he wants to take time off but that was wrong thing to say too - he says if he isn't earning money to save up for holidays then he has nothing to look forward to. Everything i say is the wrong thing :-( How are others offering the right type of support?
Hi LuLuPeapod
a warm welcome to the group, So sorry to hear about all that you and your husband are going through.
I'm supporting my husband through his stage 4 brain tumour journey. He was first diagnosed in Sept 2020 and in those early weeks said some truly hateful things. Like you, I felt that everything I said was wrong. I suspect at the root of it - they're scared and they don't want to admit it. Too stubborn for their own good!
There's some helpful information on the main website. I took the liberty of looking it up for you Supporting someone | Macmillan Cancer Support
This community is a safe and supportive space so please reach out here anytime. There's always someone about to listen who gets it, someone to hold your hand and to offer you a virtual hug when you need it. You're not alone. We've got you.
It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
It was my 25year old son that asked me a question one day about 12-18 months ago now that brought me up short. I was stressing about something his dad had said and had got myself in a right state. He asked me "Will it matter in 5 years time? if not, let it go." Now I ask myself that on a regular basis and try not to stress about the wee cutting comments and trivial things (even if they feel like big things at the time). I try to remind myself too that its not the real G talking and in my case accept that he's "broken".
I shared some of my thoughts about coping as a carer in a community blog last year. Here's the link in case you find this helpful
“I’m fine”: how do you really cope as a carer? - Macmillan Online Community
Please also remember that you are going through a journey here too. Supporting someone through their cancer journey is a tough gig so please make sure that you are taking care of your wee self too here. Taking "me time" isn't selfish. It's essential to help you keep your week batteries charged so please take time to sit in the garden with a coffee and a book, or go for a walk or go to the gym. It's those wee normal things that will help keep you going,
For now though I'm sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of positive energy. Stay strong. You're coping here so much better than you realise. (You'll just need to trust me on that.)
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
