My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 oesophagus cancer a year ago.
He has been amazing! The cancer had spread to some lymphnodes meaning no surgery. He's had a laser down thus throat to burn some of the tumours and also done a course of chemotherapy. He finished his chemo in November last year and scans have seemed positive. He is due another scan this month. His chemo has resulted in bad neuropathy in his hands but other than that everything has felt so normal for the last few months.
I've noticed He hasn't been eating much lately and I fear he is having difficulty with swallowing again. I'm so worried about his next scan.
I hate to sound selfish because I know what he is going through isawful but I just don't know how to cope with him being unwell.
He's my hero and we spend a lot of time together and lately I can't stop thinking about losing him. Trying to stay as strong as possible because I know the last thing he needs is to see me upset or worried. But I just don't know how I will cope if we get any bad news from his next scan.
Hi Steph13u474y and welcome to our community. It is a great club we wish nobody ever joined but hope you find it as useful as I do.
The "next scan" bit is so very common we have our own little term - scanxiety - it is horrible.
As for sounding selfish - I hear exactly the opposite, the "I have to be strong" - really easy to write but doing it is harder.
If we look at looking after someone with cancer we can see a lot about our emotions - much of which I recognize in me. Somehow knowing how common this is can reduce it's power a bit - it hurts and that is ok because it should.
It might help to ring our helpline to see it there is any support you can get in looking after him - because if we break we help nobody.
As for your dad seeing you upset - he is your dad, your hero, he knows. My dad kept quite a lot of stuff from us when he was ill - cannot say that really helped anyone.
It is hard - you are doing a great job and well done for reaching out on here because together we can make a great team.
<<hugs>>
Steve
