I’m 26 and my boyfriend has cancer

It is extremely hard to look after him.Your burden need to be shared with his parents and sibling.Get some help from psychologist x

Hi SJA111 

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I did see however a great line on here the other day - fit your own oxygen mask first, so given your questions let us start by thinking about you.

My experience is with my wife with Leiomyosarcoma - we have been on on cancer journey to 10 years now and fimly in the camp of living with cancer rather than dying from cancer - but that journey was not easy.

If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer I know there is a lot in there I recognize - and that can be very powerful as when we recognize our emotions it takes some of the control away from them and to our rational mind - you probably recognize the difference between quick and slow thinking given your role.

We had an excellent piece on loneliness here recently - cancer is not really everyday conversation piece after all.

Do keep posting because with your experience as a therapist I am sure you will have a lot to add to our community and together we are the best team of all - even if we are all lonely together.

I know when I came out at work on my cancer journey I have found a whole load of new friends who will come and talk to me about their feelings who never knew there was anyone to talk to - but cancer is really common we all know that.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hey Steve, 

Thank you so much for your response. It brought me a lot of comfort this morning as I’m on my way to the hospital. I really like that line and I’m such an advocate for others to monitor their own well-being to prevent burnt out and pouring from an empty cup, but I acknowledge my own limitations and realise that much of the time, I’m keeping myself busy as a form of avoidance rather than productivity.

It sounds like you and your wife have been through a hell of a journey and it’s inspiring to see you’re now where you are, I want my partner to get to a point where if this is something he has to live with, he still wants life because at the moment it feels that it’s a death sentence to him if it cannot be cured

I wish he would connect with others as I think he feels he is the only one going through this and whilst his experience is obviously unique, I want him to see that he isn’t alone at sea. There are other boats bobbing along next to him. 

I only joined the community last night when I felt at a really low point but I’m hoping this can help me to feel less alone. 

thank you again 

Sarah

Hi I’m also 26 and my boyfriend of 5 years at Christmas was diagnosed with cancer only difference is his is stage 4 terminal. Trust me your not alone I’m so lonely even sometimes with him and in a constant state of panic about what I’m going to do when he’s gone or even how I’m going to do this for however long he has. Am I meant to put my life on hold? What if he lives for 10+ years? And then the guilt that the alternative is he dies tomorrow and I don’t want that either. I don’t have any advise really just that your not alone and if you think some things you’ve been thinking are messed up I’ve been there and your 100% not alone 

Morning girls,

All I have to say stay strong, I understand what you are going through.I lost my 24 years old son last year and it was a shock for us as he was very fit and healthy boy and had stem cell transplant and according to the test he was in remission and when he was about to go to Uni, starred feeling unwell, then admitted in the hospital, ended up going to ICU, on the ventilator and just died in 3 days.He also had a twin sister, she left her job and I am 48 years old also took nearly a year off to look after him.I used to stay in the hospital whole day and used to bring his favourite food, playing games with him, watching movies and I also requested the hospital to appoint a young nurse for him, he used to have a chat, laugh and giggle with him.We kept everything normal and didn't let him feel that something happened.Actually he was very strong and used to tell me off for goggling his disses as everyone is different even with the same disease.His sister used to invite his friends to spend some time with him.

He was very close to two of his friends and they were good support and used to take him out for tea or coffee and sometimes just order food at home.

He refused to take sessions from the psychologist and kept himself busy watching or playing games.We never discussed his disease with him.

At the same time my friends and work colleagues were very supportive and used to take me out and my daughter stayed with him and my daughter sometimes go out with her partner who was also very supportive and used to spend time with him

These young boys need to be around by young fellows of their own age as the relate well with them.

During his treatment I listened to him and did everything whatever he wanted.

I know it's guilty feeling when we want to look after ourselves but it is extremely important to be in good mental health to support them better.

Just take every day as it comes and learn how to live with cancer, then life will be easier and reach out to his friends and family members to support him as you are very young and yourself going through this trauma and it's not fair.

Life changes so quickly who knows better than me, so please be realistic and make your mind that you will get through and also try to get some therapy sessions for yourself.At the end of the day, there is nothing in our hand but how to deal with it without harming ourselves is in our control.

Sending you my ️ love and strength to two beautiful girls xxx

Thank you so much for your message. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. I can’t even imagine the anxiety you must feel and I think it’s perfectly natural to have all these thoughts. 

I keep feeling like I can’t breathe. I keep thinking this can’t be happening. My boyfriend is convinced he’s going to die from it and I can feel this fear creeping in as thinks haven’t worked. But I keep telling myself they wouldn’t be trying treatments if they didn’t have hope. 

all we can do is take each day as it comes and also make sure we live relatively normal. I feel I’ve shut off a lot from friends and I also feel like i‘mlosing my younger years and struggling to grapple with everything 

if you ever want to talk I’m here. Sending love and strength your way 

I’m so sorry for your loss - it sounds like he had such amazing people around him and lived life to the fullest which is beautiful to hear. 

my boyfriend still sees his friends now and then we try to keep as normal as possible and go for walks and dinner when he’s not too tired. I feel like I can never fully be present or enjoy it as there’s always this bit of anxiety knowing it may end soon or something bad will happen. 

Just trying to not think too far ahead and praying (even though I’m not religious) for a positive outcome 

I am not religious and my son was atheist, but prayed a lot as it helped me mentally, emotionally and psychologically.I kept my hopes up and spoke to God as there are too many other things that can be very personal but we can share with God. Keep on praying and don't think too much about the outcome x