My dad has bowel cancer and dementia. Feel lost

Hi welb73 

Sorry to read about your dad, while in some ways I match your comment on experience it was not in the same person. My dad had a series of seizures that robbed us of him but by bit while my cancer experience is with my wife. It did turn out my mum also had cancer but that was only picked up in an autopsy and it was not what she died of.

We were lucky with my parents that they had arranged a lasting power of attorney and so my sister was able to look out for their best interests - though sometimes persuading the doctors of that was challenging.

When I first met cancer I did not really understand the term palliative care and mistook if for end of life, It might help to look at this page about the range of care that may be available. There is also quite a good page from the NHS about dementia care that might be helpful.

One of the challenges when my dad was in hospital was he kept pulling out his canula - messy and quite dangerous in it's own right.

With my dad needing care 24/7 we did end up having to put him in a care home, later as he got worse we even had to go to the use of a high needs care home. This meant though that we were able to visit him as loving children rather than exhausted full time nurse and it also meant he got the expert care he needed to make his life as comfortable as possible.

<<hugs>>

Steve

My dad also has cancer (bladder and lung) and hasn't got dementia, but has fluid on the brain and has almost no memory and isn't quite himself - I know how you feel, and how lost you are. I personally just feel angry all the time, about how unfair it is, and worried about the grief that's about to come, which I'm not ready for.

I'm sorry that this is also happening to you, but remember he is safe where he is and it sounds like he's very much loved by you (and your family) and what a wonderful sentiment that is - too many people in this world pass without a loved one, or anyone worrying about them. The dementia must be hard, but be strong - which is easier said than done, but well done for being this strong so far.