Hello everyone,i am in desperate need of help and advice.My poor son has bowel cancer,that has now spread to his liver,lungs and bones.I am terrified.What is making it even worse is his girlfriend has been coercively controlling him.They have been together a few years and have a small child together.He wont have anything said against her.
Now she has started bullying myself and my husband.We are pensioners and are finding everthing very hard to cope with.They live with her family.We refused to do something she told us to do,because it was unreasonable,and since then she is making our lives hell.She has told lies about us to all her family and friends ,so now nobody speaks to us when we visit our son at the house.She's even telling lies about us to our son.she wont let us see our grandchild.When we visit she goes out with our grandchild ,so we can't see them.Now her mother has started doing the same.We've been visiting our son and asked him if our grandchild will be there ,so we can give them there christmas presents,but they keep taking them out,so we bring the presents back home again.I have never in my life met such cruel people.I really dont know how they can put my son and his child through this.He is seriously ill,and this is so much stress,but he still wont see how cruel they are being.i am so,so sad and very down.all i seem to do is cry,but i cant see a way out.It feels as if we are stuck in nightmare.It's no good trying to talk to the mother and daughter,they have no empathy for as at all.All we want is to be there to love and support our son and spend some time with our grandchild.i could never treat another human being like this ,and just dont know what to do.
Hi myson
So sorry to read about what you have been going through. We had a friend once in a similar sort of relationship and pretty much all we could do was let them know we were there for them but it is very difficult to watch.
Sorry I do not really have much in the way of suggestions but wanted you to know someone out here is thinking of you.
I wonder if it might be some help to you if you tried talking on the helpline - 0808 808 0000, it is open 8am to 8pm.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hello myson
My name is Steph, I'm part of the team who look after the Online Community here at Macmillan.
I am so sorry to hear about your son's bowel cancer and for all the difficulties you're experiencing as a family. We hear that you have tried and failed to speak to them about how you're feeling and discuss your intentions of supporting your son and grandchild.
It sounds like you would benefit from some professional support and advice around your concerns about coercive control and managing difficult relationships. I'd certainly back up Steve's suggestion of calling the Macmillan Support Line. They can offer a listening ear and help you find the right support going forward. Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.
Macmillan also has this online information and support about cancer and domestic abuse which might be helpful to have a read through. It explains how domestic abuse is a term used to describe any kind of abuse that happens between partners or family members aged 16 and above. It can be physical or non-physical. It could include threatening, controlling or coercive behaviour. Domestic abuse can be a single incident, but usually it is a pattern of ongoing behaviours. You can find links to further support options listed on the page.
The Community is here for you when you want to talk things through, day or night. Please do keep posting in the forums and keep us updated to how you're all getting on.
Please do let us know if you have any questions or need further support with anything at all. I hope the Community shows you that you don’t have to go through this alone.
Take care,
