My husband has stage 4 bowel cancer. His primary tumour has been successfully removed and we are now dealing with liver tumours. He has just had his third chemo and in 3 days time we find out if it has worked and if surgery will be possible. It has been difficult at times. He was diagnosed in May 2021.
DoI imagine it or are people different once they know you are dealing with a cancer situation? My husband is young by cancer standards (or so the doctors say) we have two school going age children and I work full time. When we first told people about his cancer a lot would give what I came to think of as a “bunny in headlights” stare. Glazed, scared eyes as if they were afraid.
They all said the right thing- offered to help - said we should just ask. But other than the odd school lift or bit of childcare to enable us to go to medical appointments I never did ask for much. What I have noticed however is a slow isolation which has developed. I immigrated here as an adult and married my English husband. Working means I did not make very close mum friends through my children. I have superficial friendships with some of the mothers. Not the sort of friendships I left behind.
My husband and I were older parents so all my husbands friends have grown up kids - so even from his side there were no families for me to get to know through him. His friends are child free and much older than me - nice enough but at a different stage of their lives. They are his friends, not mine.
What his diagnosis has done, I think, has caused the few delicate friendships I had formed, to change. I have never felt lonelier in all my life. Even at work, surrounded by people, I may as well be in solitary confinement. Is it me or do those around one change?
My husband says I have him. And I do but he is not out of the woods. He is also a bit older than me. I am so scared that I will lose him and my isolation will be complete. It terrifies me. I need to put in place something now, some social connections. I am profoundly lonely. I tried to tell him about this tonight and he got upset. Men try to fix things. I just wanted him to listen as he cannot fix it. I will never mention it to him again. It was wrong of me to say anything.
I feel like the loneliest person in the world. Has anyone else had this experience. Is it the cancer diagnosis, or just me?
