Hi
I'm new on here. But am looking for some advice on the best ways to support my sister in her last weeks.
She became suddenly ill with brain cancer (lymphoma) 2 years' ago. It is a very aggressive cancer and within 10 days she had lost the use of her right hand side. While in hospital she had a stroke and lost her speech. She was in the Marsden for 6 months and then has been at home with a live in carer for 18 months now. She has a teenage son and daughter (14 & 16). She couldn't really communicate with us but could understand everything. I go over once a week to play games and chat to her. Immunotherapy was keeping the tumours at bay. She gets out of bed into a wheelchair with the aid of a hoist.
This week we received the news that the Immunotherapy was no longer working and that they were stopping her treatment. No one really knows how long she has got, but she is getting weaker and withdrawing. We feel it is weeks.
I think we really need some support - someone to guide us through this a bit - is this something that Macmillan offer? We haven't really had any involvement from MacMillan yet as the Marsden didn't have MacMillan there.
How can I best support her through this? I feel helpless, it's so hard as she can't communicate with us, she can't tell us what she wants to talk about or how she feels..
I know her children find it increasingly hard and traumatic.
I know there's no right or wrong way, but some guidance would be really helpful.
Thanks
Hi Christy
Sorry to hear about your sister - feeling helpless is very common but coming here we can provide some help - if only from a point of view of "we get it".
You are totally right in what you say about "nobody knows how long" and that uncertainty is really hard to deal with, I know when I did a living with less stress course I learnt more about how to live in the minute and it sounds really great when you talk about playing games and chatting.
We do have a guide here If the person you care for is dying that might be helpful. If you are anywhere near the Marsden I can highly recommend Maggies as a great place to talk about your feelings they may well be helpful in supporting her children too. It can be amazing talking to people who are total strangers until we find they have become our best friends.
For her children, I am sure you have this covered but their school will provide lots of support and they are sure to ask questions there, it can be helpful if everyone gives a similar answer. Our son (now 18 eek) has lived with mum in and out of hospital for over 10 years, though currently at least my wife's cancer is stable and has been for some time now.
<<hugs>>
Steve
