Hi all.
I am feeling really spent. I have been supporting my friend for over 2 years with cancer. I feel like I must always be there as soon as she texts. I feel like I always have to be ‘on’ in case she needs me. If I’m not, I feel bad about myself and that I’m not doing my duty. But this costs me a lot as I end up thinking about cancer all the time, when actually I don’t want to be thinking about it. I don’t want the detail. I have a chronic mental illness and am feeling good in myself and that I just want to live my own life again. I feel like this is seeping into my every pore and it’s making me feel like I have cancer as well.
My friend is also not very helpful in helping me and my friends to support her. I am fed up with not knowing what she wants (she never tells us) and being expected to just know and plan around it. I also feel angry because in the past she has never contacted me - it’s always the other way around, and she never organises anything to contribute to our group of friends. I feel like I have to keep giving my time and energy to her when she never reciprocates. I don’t really know what I am trying to say as I can’t quite portray what I am feeling but it’s anger that I can’t give any more but I’m still expected to.
I have very high expectations of myself and find that I always over-give when others are doing half the amount or less. Then I end up feeling resentful because I have nothing left in me. I know this isn’t her fault but I just feel angry with her because she never contributes.
hi Thursday45
First off I want to thank you for writing this, I am sure there are many out there who will read your words and recognize many of the feelings you talk about. if we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer we can see these feelings are really not uncommon.
For me perhaps the best element in those pages was the bit at the end about looking after yourself.
Has your friend had a needs assessment? It might help her know what professional support she is entitled to and might help you know that she is getting the support she needs and that anything you give is just a top up.
<<hugs>>
Steve
