Anticipatory Grief - Not ready to lose my Dad

Hi

All you can do is be there for him and your mum. It’s incredibly difficult and hard to be brave, but he will be worried and worried about you.

I just held my dads hand and told him I loved him, he knew he was dying it was very hard but I didn’t cry till I was at home. I just sat there all day talking about reassuring things.

my dad went fast, it was only two weeks. He was sleeping 97% of the day and night and not eating anything. Sometimes he would be a bit confused when he was awake. He seemed peaceful most of the time as he was sleeping. We managed to get him home and he died on the second day. 

Nothing can prepare you for any of it, it’s a terrible experience for all. I would give anything to have one more minute with him. Just be brave for him and give him comfort, spend as much time as you can with him.

Sorry it’s not much help. X

I'm feeling the same as you with my mother.  Tnbc has spread to her lungs and stomach. She looks so frail and has lost alot of weight. She doesn't want to get out of bed as she's so exhausted.  I'm struggling xx

So sorry x I was in denial right up to the end for my mum. She was diagnosed a year ago. And passed away on 15th Nov. She was in hospice to manage her pain meant to be for a week and I totally thought we would get her home for a month or two. But she passed away in hospice. Brain filled with things we didn’t do or things I didn’t ask. Feel so lost without her. Also I would say go off sick as I didn’t right away and tried to work through the bad times and ended up getting made redundant which added even more stress. 

now grieving with the underlying thought that I need to get another job 

Hey 

I have been through this with my mum who died from Pancreatic cancer within 6 months of diagnosis.  The hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and now my dad has cancer and its spread so dealing with it all again. I totally understand its horrific and I often feel so scared that I am going to lose another parent.

The only thing i can say is be there for him as much as you can. My mum was so strong but went downhill quickly at the end. We were very lucky to get her home ( I know she held out). I look back now and wonder why I didnt leave my job as I would do anything to have another minute with her but grief makes you do weird things. I think I was in denial and maybe tried to keep some normality. 

Do what you think is right and just be there thats what I would say . Sending you a huge hug and here to chat anytime xx

My Mum has incurable cancer too. I don't think losing our parent is something we can ever be ready for. Just try and make the most of your time together, and don't leave anything unsaid that needs to be said.

I really felt that when you said about walking down the aisle. I really want my Mum to be around when I get married, it looks unlikely though.

Sending my love to you and your family, stay strong and stick together.

Hello,

I am in the same situation. Totally healthy, ‘normal’ dad, diagnosed with cancer , spread to different organs. I’ve spent hours trawling online for a hopeful article or miracle story- but the reality is I am going to lose him.

I am 24 - and the thought of having children who do not know my dad has devastated me, he would/will be a fantastic grandfather. Him not being able to give me away when I get married feels heart wrenching. I have decided I am going to make notes of every memory I have of him, no matter how big or small, for me but also for future children. I want them to know every aspect of him so they can see how much he means to me.

it has allowed me to see how much I care for him- I will tell him when I see him soon that I love him, something I haven’t done before as we aren’t ‘like that’. But now, I will be like that, every week, month , hopefully year that passes, I want him to know he is a fantastic dad and I love him very much .

I also can’t stand people saying ‘sorry’, I don’t want them to be sorry for me, I want them to fix him, I’m frustrated. However, I find myself now wanting to say sorry to you- because this situation is like nothing I ever imagined.

Best of luck 

Oh I feel you. My dad has only recently been diagnosed with lung cancer. Went through bronchoscopy last Friday and we're waiting. We don't even know what stage is it yet - but definitely not treatable with an operation.

My mum is devastated - they have spent over 40 years together now and she just can't imagine life without him and neither can I. I'm not married yet, I don't have children and I would like him to be there for it all. If you didn't know he has cancer you wouldn't even think he does. Looks normal, has appetite, didn't lose weight. He had a prolonged cough and chest pain, hence why he ended up at a GP to initially be told he has bronchitis.. He's gonna start treatment after new year but we don't know what is it going to be yet. 

It is scary, I feel we are all sick with him. It's just beginning of this journey and I feel like it has been going on for so long already. I constantly talk, think and even dream of bloody cancer. I am scared of how the treatment will affect him, what will my mum do if the worst happens. Will my life ever be "normal" again?! Where to get strength for all of it...

• Oh goodness ….. my heart goes out to you all….. I find myself in the same boat kind of….. my dad was diagnosed 4 weeks ago with upper GI cancer. He had a cough/throat clearing thing….. but has not felt unwell. But we’ve been told he only has a few months if that left to live. It has totally side swiped us…… I am an only offspring so don’t have any brothers or sisters to share this with. My mum is understandably terrified of being left alone and how she will cope after dad has gone. I am worried sick about everything and anything and have to keep it all “normal” for my eight year old son who has no idea grandad is poorly yet. I don’t think I’ve even properly cried it out. If I start I may not stop. We will tell our son once it’s obvious that grandad is not well but how on earth do I go about doing that ? I am at a total loss as to how to cope …… how do you all do this ? 
  not sure how I do any of this …….

No words of wisdom, but just to say I could have written this post myself. Same thing with my dad- he's been super strong throughout his diagnosis for advanced stage 4 prostate cancer - but the last week or so it's accelerated super fast and I keep crying and saying the same thing. I am 28 and not ready to lose my dad. My mum also has cancer but it's different and managed. I always thought I would lose my mum first and then this happened. Please know you aren't alone in your feelings. It feels truly awful seeing our parents so sick. Xx

This post broke my heart. I am 28 and in the same situation. Not married and no children and it equally devastates me :  thank you for sharing as it made me feel less isolated and alone xx