Denial and trying to find the positives

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Hi all,

Long story short my 71 yr old dad had prostate cancer a while back which spread to lymph nodes and his vertebrae, chemo stopped working, made him mega sick and the radiotherapy helped stabilise back but not stopped the spread. Has moved to the care of a palliative nurse but still at home. Given 5-7 months as of oct 22.

After a few years of treatment I think I’m totally in denial at this stage, I am a super soft person but am not remotely affected up to this moment. It’s so weird. He can’t even climb a flight of stairs without a 15 minute rest half way and has dropped to below 70kg. From about 110kg. We joke he looks a bit like a turtle with the baggy skin.  I’m a 46 yr old man and am not entirely stupid or blinkered by somehow I’m not really believing, or I know but somehow not really absorbing it somehow? A bit like my heart knows and is crying but my head is being super rational or numb.

not sure why I am posting this now I come to it. Just had to put it down in writing maybe? More than anything I am super worried about my mum and how she will cope without her husband of 46 years. Is that awful of me? I’ll be fine sort of if my dad has a peaceful pain free departure but god I just don’t know how to support my mum. Sorry am a bit all over the place.

  • Hi

    Thank you for posting this - most definitely you are not awful just dealing with a next to impossible situation in the best way you can.

    If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer it is easy to see how normal we all are.

    Welcome to our group of friends where we can share this sort of stuff feely - it is hard but somehow together we keep going on.

    <<hugs>>

    Steve

    Community Champion Badge

  • Hi Damien, going through something very similar as was told my Mum had 9-12 months as of September.  Came as a shock to the whole family and my Mum’s sister died of the same cancer back in February.  I think I am in denial too as seem to want to keep things normal after all she is still here.  Very hard to see my Dad at a loss to know what to do as Mum is in pain but the hospital has not been in touch to offer palliative care so am in the process of sorting it out.  It seems the onus is on me to be the strong one amongst us but have no idea how I will be nearer the end.  Mum is putting on a brave face and doesn’t want to talk about it or have anyone to help but think I made a breakthrough last night with suggesting a nurse needs to come and at least offer more pain relief or change it to help her.  She watched her sister go through the same thing this year and does not want the same treatment.  I guess we have to take each day as it happens.