My mum has had two different types of cancer since I was born (almost 24 years ago), with recurrences every 2-3 years. Only now has the nightmare become a reality as we were faced with the devastating news that her breast cancer has reached her spine and neck and is no longer ‘curable’ as such. Currently awaiting further scan results to get the full picture but I can’t shake this feeling of pure helplessness.
She is currently in hospital trying to get the pain under control but when I’m with her I feel strong because she is so very strong. But when I get home, I feel my whole being crumble. I am an only child and it has been just her and I my whole life (and our dog Jessie). I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. I cannot picture life without her and I’m finding everything so hard to come to terms with.
Sorry to hear about your mum and hope they manage to get the pain under control. If it helps I can say your feelings are really typical if we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer it can sometimes help to notice the feeling, acknowledge it without letting it take us over.
You are far from the only one of us to talk about our loved ones being strong - my wife seems close to indestructible at times and we have been living with cancer now for over 6 years.
What helped me most was a living with less stress course. The mindfulness element of living in the here are now was quite effective and controlling my "what if's" and "when's" that stooped me enjoying the day to day. The conscious breathing exercises were great for when life throws another curve ball but also helpful to relax in general. Transcendental mediation though was not really for me.
<<hugs>>
Steve
