My husband had bladder cancer and they removed the bladder, shortly after he had tongue cancer and they wanted to remove the tongue, but didn't. Now he has bowel cancer. He has always refused to allow me to accompany him to appointments saying he doesn't need me there. Maybe it's just a man thing, but after 15 years of being pushed away I still don't understand it and find it so hard to deal with. He refuses to talk about his current cancer and doesn't allow me to either have or express any feelings or emotions. He just says its not about you its about me and gets very angry with me. It is so hard to support someone who refuses point blank to engage and his anger makes me want to just walk away.
I try to suppress the tears as that just makes him even more angry.
hi Kiku and welcome to our community.
Men - what can anyone do with us. Of course we have a lot of information about how talking can help here. I have nearly always been with my wife at her appointments and the doctors have always felt free to include me in the discussions and that is something she has valued. The one big issue I struggled with in the early days of course was when I wanted to know "how long" - trouble is the doctor can guess but nobody can say for sure - she was right I was wrong, six years down the line I got to appreciate that.
Focusing more on you for a moment, it might help to look at Your feelings when someone has cancer One thing having lived this life for a while I find my emotions are much nearer the surface and I find I tend to cry quite easily - I have come to look at it as love overflowing and perfectly natural.
<<hugs>>
Steve
