My nan has had cancer for 14 years, many different types and is the strongest woman I know. She's my best friend and I have always been there to help her with anything she needs. Last week she was rushed to hospital and wasn't expected to make it through the weekend but it has now been a week and she's still going and i'm proud of her but i'm finding it especially hard. She perked up the next day and I have been visiting most days for the past week but i feel myself getting more and more anxious and having nightmares. Is it normal to get annoyed at family who suddenly want to see her in hospital but were never there for her before? My nan has set up councelling through macmillan because she knows i'm struggling but i feel selfish because I know how unwell she is. I don't know how i'm going to cope when cancer eventually wins. Has anyone else struggled massively and how have you gotten through it? Any advice appreciated
You are not selfish and are behaving really very normally - yes we all know family members like you describe.
What helped me most was doing a living with less stress course with Maggies. Finally got my head around the idea of mindfulness of living in the here and now, since I was being really good about planning for a future that so far has not appeared - can sum in up quite nicely in a simply quote “Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.”
Life does however insist on throwing curve balls and then the conscious breathing exercises are good for taking a step back, take a breath and the come back ready for the challenge.
People sometimes say "how to you cope" - my favourite answer "when was I given the choice".
Looking after ourselves though is really important - we need to find some time for ourselves if we want to be the best for our loved ones.
<<hugs>>
Steve
