Hi, so my mum got diagnosed with cancer stage 1 breast cancer in May, a week before my last essay at university. I graduated early July, my mum was the proudest person there. I’m so unsure of my next plans in life, I wanted to move to London after getting a grad job but after the diagnosis I’m not sure now. My mum has her operation on Friday, please pray that it will go well. I have took a break from grad job search for a bit and have recently started applying to a couple of jobs. I’m not actively looking but I am applying when I see jobs that I feel I would like, I’m on many mailing lists and get emailed jobs sometimes. Right now I want to focus on my mum and wait until she is much better. When it comes up London I’m so unsure, I live in Glasgow right now with my mum, dad and two little brothers. I fear that my mum might not recover or get cancer again, if I go to London I’ll miss time with her I’ll never get back. But I know this is selfish, I fear for my career I don’t want to lose out on opportunities too. I had a friend who had a similar experience with her mum and she was never able to a job in the field she went to uni for. It will also crush my mum if I wasn’t able to live London or have my dream job, she knows how hard I work and everything I went through be the first women in my family to have a degree. My mum also knows the pain of not having your dream career and job. My grandparents didn’t allow my mum to go into higher education to become a nursery nurse, a decision they call there biggest regret to this day. My mum was also beating herself up when I was doing my final essay as she felt it her fault that I didn’t have 100% concentration on it. She told me that it would have been better if she had not told me about the diagnosis until after my essay was submitted.
Hi AKx so sorry to read your message and the dilemma this is causing you that I can well understand. On the one hand you want to be close to your mum but on the other hand you want to continue the legacy she is so proud of in you. There is of course no perfect answer to any of this and in that you are far from being selfish. Depending on your field too (I am a male computer systems analyst so finding jobs is generally quite easy) good job opportunities can be hard to find. One thing that tends to count for a lot though is work experience - or work ethic and a tale of even unrelated work alongside caring for you mother might look not too poor on a job application.
An alternative model might be to ensure your mum has the right support network around her so that you know she is "safe" and then go for the job she might want you to do, she would then know you are on the path and with the wonders of internet now it is much easier to stay in touch than ever before.
Often people feel that delaying telling about a diagnosis might be better, with that of course is when would you tell - there is often never a good time and sometimes a delay creates a real rift with a feeling of not being trusted - clearly not a problem between you and your mum.
<<hugs>>
Steve
