Where to start?

Hi AtheA

I don't have an answer, but just wanted to reach out as I am in a similar position. Both my brother and I live some distance from our parents. My Mum has just started palliative treatment for inoperable pancreatic cancer, and my Dad has significant mobility and sight problems. 

So far, we have found Age Concern really helpful, and my parents are having an assessment for the support that they need later this week. They'll need to pay, but happily they are able to do so. I understamd that Macmillan can also provide practical and other support, of course. Brother and I could go and work from my parents' house, and have told them that, but they don't feel they need that level of support from us. Yet.

Meantime, what's helping me is being able to talk frequently and openly with my brother about our worries and concerns, our ideas to support our parents, and - importantly - how to best suggest things without trying to take over or cause offence.

Neither brother nor I have children, so in some ways we can be flexible with our arrangements to suport Mum and Dad. But we do of course have commitments, not least jobs, partners, homes and pets. I am sure it's going to be a struggle and we're going to have difficult times, but maintaining a close relationship and communication with your sibling seems to be a really important foindation. And even if your sister is closer and will therefore be doing a lot of the leg work, knowing you are there and you are keen and able to share some of the care will help her and your Dad, I'm sure.

Best wishes. So sorry about your father's cancer. It sounds like he is lucky to have you and your sister looking out for him.

peppersmum

Thank you so much for the reply peppersmum. I have a cat called Pepper as well. 

That’s reassuring to know, hopefully we can come up with a good support process for Dad and each other. Dad is still very much in denial about his results and we are waiting to hear more from the specialist. Added complications on early onset of dementia means Dad is getting angry and confused but then fine a bit later. Work have been very supportive and I will be able to stay down here for a short while and I’m currently staying with my Dad. 

Thank you again for your message.