Hi,
My partner has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer. I still can’t really believe it. From being told by the doctors that it was probably an infection to being told he had a large mass on his lung to now being told that it’s spread to the lining of his lung and there’s nothing they can do. 6 weeks ago everything was normal. We were normal.
I can’t cope with any of this - I can’t imagine losing him. I’m so angry and sad all the time. I’m trying so hard to do everything I can for him but he keeps pushing me away. We argue and bicker all the time. This isn’t us? This isn’t what I want to remember?
I don’t know what to do. It feels like he’s given up. He keeps saying he has nothing in his life and all I keep thinking is ‘what about me? Why can’t you fight this for me? I need more time’. Is that wrong? I feel so guilty.
How do I support him without pushing him away further? I’m really struggling to take a step back and leave him for a few days to cool off. I need to know he’s okay and that he’s eating and looking after himself. I want to get through a conversation without fighting. What should I do?
Thank you for any advice people can give x
Hi PiazzaAnna and welcome to our community though sorry to hear about your partner.
There is a good blog on the community at the moment - Coping with anticipatory grief when you're supporting someone living with cancer - because you are both still normal - very normal and very human.
One thing some patients talk about that can upset them is people wanting to do everything for them - they can feel they have no control at all. Sometimes the language of "fighting cancer" can upset people - they can feel they failed, they are weak.
One thing that is sure - you have some time together - how long we cannot control but the quality of that time we can do something about.
For me - I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. Appreciate what we have today because I may have ages on my own - though it does seem Janice my wife is close to indestructible. They taught us breathing techniques that were great for dealing with things that come out of the blue - it can be really help keep a discussion on track if I take a couple of deep breaths before I answer and tends to stop things becoming a heated argument - or worse.
One thing I found out the hard way - I needed to look after me, I am no use to my wife unless I do that.
<<hugs>>
Steve
