my other half

my other half just got diagnosed with hodgkins lymphoma. i couldnt believe my eyes when she sent me the message, but its true. my best friend has cancer. now i know cancer is obviously not death sentence, and she has (according to the cancer research uk) like a 95% chance the treatment will be okay. but, i just get this sinking feeling. chances are, if your reading this, you probably have as well with someone you really love, who has experienced cancer. my world has been turned upside down. i just feel pain. and i feel like an idiot because she has cancer, and yet im out here suffering, when shes the one literally with cancer.

i cant discuss this with anyone, my family are difficult, and im not sure if shes told anyone else yet. i was the first person she told. i have no words. the recent technoblade video (a very famous minecraft youtuber, who we both loved) where his dad confims he has died, from stage 4 cancer, brought me back to reality. and now im scared. im sure she'll be fine, but im so scared. we were meant to do everything together. ive known her since we were small. were the only people in the world who fully understand eachother, and now she has cancer.  its difficult to meet her, and even to talk to her. my circumstances are really fucking shit. id do anything for it to just leave, but we both know thats not going to happen magically anytime soon.

im just really lobely. really, really lonely. 

any words of advice? 

  • Hi and welcome to our community, the new family we hope nobody ever needs to join.

    If we look at Supporting a family member with cancer we can see how totally normal your emotions are.

    My wife was diagnosed with cancer over six years ago - after a long hard list of stuff - long story click on my name above to see my profile it you want to know more.

    I broke - then  I walked in to my local Maggies centre and they helped get me a little bit of the floor. Later I did their living with less stress course - I learned to appreciate things day to day and that that really dark future I imagined probably will not happen - or even it if did I might not see it the way I expected. Conscious breathing exercises were great too when live decided we did not have enough excitement and decided to throw us another curveball. Transcendental meditation though turned out not to be my cup of tea.

    Janice's cancer is not curable, but it has been really stable now for some years and our oncologist is saying if there is no evidence of progression next year he is considering discharging her to GP care - even he seems surprised her outcome has been so positive.

    Do post on here whenever, we understand, remember too you can always ring the helpline too and there may well be other support groups near you if something more face-to-face might help you.

    Since I "came out" at work it is amazing how many people have opened up to me about their own issues with cancer in their families. It is much more common than we might imagine but not really something many people talk about over a coffee and perhaps it is time that changed.

    <<hugs>>

    Steve

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