My mother has been diagnosed with cancer for the third time in her life. She was recently treated for fluid on the lung and had an IPC chest drain inserted so she could drain the fluid every three days, or rather, I could drain the fluid.
Testing of the fluid showed cancer markers. The health service is under great pressure, so I understand that getting results back that can identify which type of cancer she has is taking longer than usual. Still, it is the not knowing that is the worst part. It leaves room for fearing the worst while hoping for the best.
I won’t lie, like a typical bloke, I try to keep a cheerful stiff upper lip, a strong shoulder for her to cry on, while all the time my emotions are running wild underneath. I broke down and cried when a work colleague asked how I was doing. In my day job, we have monthly well-being meetings because we work with people who have common mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.
As Michael Caine once said, "Be a duck, remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath."
Hi Aedh Wishes and welcome to our community.
Your post reminded me of that classic line "If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck."
For my wife they picked up cancer markers a long time before they worked out what and where - unfortunately that was somewhat unhelpful for her because everything was thrown at the cancer meaning that they dismissed an infection that came quite close to allowing her to die of sepsis - they apologised - eventually.
Totally get what you mean about being a typical bloke - still better than those scenes in the films where a woman gets hysterical so clearly needs a slap to the face because that fixes everything.
Providing you are both comfortable with you draining the fluid and you know when to call for help I am sure that can become quite a positive experience for you both - though a bit of a reversal to the care roles we are more familiar with.
I was a typical bloke - till I broke. I went in to the Maggies centre at my local hospital and sobbed my heart out - an hour later and having used the best part of a full box of tissues they had helped me work out how the next two weeks might work for me.
There are a lot of good ideas to be found in https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/supporting-someone/looking-after-someone-with-cancer - probably just the sort of thing you would be signposting to someone who came to you in the same position.
<<hugs>>
Steve
