What do I do about my wedding? Mum might not make it.

I got engaged last Dec and all the happiness and excitement was quickly whisked away when Mum was taken to hospital for her gal bladder.
They diagnosed her with gal bladder cancer and took it out and said the cancer seemed to have been contained but they needed to go back in and investigate.
We were all expecting positive results but during the op the docs phoned my Dad and said they couldn't operate because the cancer had spread to her liver and duodenum. All the scans she had previously showed no indication of any cancer being there so it was such a massive shock.

We found out about a month ago that if the chemo works she has 12 months to live and if not then 6. I was still trying to plan my wedding and actually booked a venue just before that operation for September 2023. 

I genuinely don't know what to do now and I feel hideously guilty at stressing about how my Mums cancer diagnosis is interrupting my wedding plans. She's convinced she's going to get better and she keeps telling me she will be dancing at my wedding so I want to be supportive and feel that if I move the date I won't be. 

Both me and my fiancé feel really stuck as to what the right way forward is. She was due to start chemo today but it's been postponed because they want to see if they can get her on some drug trail with Astrazenica which will apparently improve her immune system. 

Along with the shock and sadness of my Mums diagnosis I'm really sad that all the joy has been taken out of planning my wedding. I hate thinking about it and everyone keeps asking me how the wedding plans are going (understandably) and I don't know what to say because I don't want to keep talking about what's going on with Mum. It feels like I'm walking around with a sack of concrete in my chest.

I've had quite a bit of insomnia recently so this post is a late night inspired Google to see what support there is for family members of cancer patients. 
If anyone ends up reading this, what would you do?

  • Hello I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Our situations are a little different but I was also trying to plan for a wedding when my dad was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer. The difference is I didn't have a date set, but we tried to expedite everything and have a small wedding at short notice so that my dad could be there. Very sadly, my dad declined rapidly and we didn't go ahead.

    I can completely relate to what you're saying about the joy being taken out of it. I'm now in the situation where my dad has passed and I'm not married and I just can't muster any excitement to plan for anything without my dad being there. We do always dream of having our parents there on our big day and it's horrible to think of that not happening. 

    I wonder whether you could look at some kind of blessing or informal ceremony with your mum involved? It was something we were exploring with our local vicar as my dad was a Christian (Church of England) and our vicar was supportive - I also think that humanist/secular ceremonies, without it being an actual legal wedding, are another option.

    Sending you a big hug xx