grandma’s incurable cancer, mum struggling


*this may be a repost of another one, but that one got put under “pending review” so I’m trying again

Hi, it’s been around a month since my grandma got diagnosed with an incurable cancer- I don’t know all of the details since I haven’t been told and am too afraid to ask. I’m 14 and my mum’s 47 and it’s been really difficult lately. I don’t know what to do or how to help, it’s been horrible watching my family suffer. My mum has been distraught - at the start it was really bad and one odd thing would set her off in tears. Recently, if my mum isn’t visiting my grandma and grandad she’s here at home, every so often she will face time my grandma and grandad (whether she talks to either or both it changes) and the call will end with her in tears and sobbing. I don’t know which one’s worse, hearing and seeing my grandma becoming less and less like herself every day or watching my mum lose her own mother. It’s all so strange and upsetting - just a 4 months ago none of this was happening! Today, I had to escape to the bathroom to sob as the FaceTime call ended and my mum began crying while my dad comforted her. I feel so helpless and also so selfish. How can I be sad when they’re going through so much worse? It’s all so overwhelming and frankly terrible. This sucks, I wish I could be more articulate but it’s the truth. Hearing my mum sob breaks me - and I can’t do anything. Talking to someone would be nice  , usually my mum is the one person I turn to for anything but now I feel like I just can’t. We’ve discussed the situation once and we were both in tears when I confessed I couldn’t be strong for her - but we haven’t spoken about it since. I couldn’t and I still can’t. My heart is broken and I fear worse is to come. I don’t know what to do, I feel so lost. I can’t turn to anyone and as I’m feeling like this I become sickened because I feel so selfish. My sadness feels to be a sign of my selfishness. I should be comforting my mum - but I can’t. It’s a horrible time right now and any advice or just a word of slight comfort would be a blessing. Again, I just really really don’t know what to do. My mind is plagued with thoughts of the future, I can’t stop imagining everything. 
Sorry for such a long paragraph and thanks to the community for giving me a place to express my emotions. 

  • I understand. I have felt the same way. I don't know your mom or anything, but I know when my mom seems irritable, I try to stay away and give her space, that is unless she seems open to having a hug or something. You could always send her a loving and supporting text. That's what I do. Texts can be seen whenever and snapping at a text is much harder.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to dap111

    Thank you for replying, I’ll take your advice. I really appreciated this :)

  • Dear Drew

    I feel for you. Cancer is so cruel & sometimes we are so wrapped up, as parents, in what is is happening to our dear parent (your grandparent) we unintentionally don’t give the support, you as children might need. It broke my heart to know how much my Daugter struggled & now misses her Nan. It will be tough but you just need to take it a day at a time & be there for each other, good or bad. You will get through it. Sadly we have to, but treasure the happy memories. There will be.sad times, but supporting each other will get you through. Take care & sending love xu