My lovely dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer last September. After what was meant to be curative surgery he was admitted to hospital recently with suspected sepsis, which we quickly found out was actually the result of secondary tumours on his liver and lungs, all of which are terminal. Every conversation with doctors is like a door being shut in our faces, and his situation is so aggressive they can’t offer treatment.
I’ve been back living with my parents for the last three weeks, watching my brilliant, once strong dad fade away by the day. I feel like I’m already grieving the person that he was before he’s gone and then feel unbearably guilty for doing so.
I feel like the natural instinct is to be strong for him and everyone else around me but I’m worried that I’m missing out on time to properly process this with my family by constantly putting on a brave face.
sending love to everybody here x
Hi McMG
So sorry to hear about your dad, many on here will recognize the anticipatory grief - often the sense of the loss of the live we expected.
I wish that "being strong" bit was as easy to do as it is to write. I know I did not manage it and when people asked if I was ok when I clearly was not then there was often little they could do to help. I know with my wife when someone says how brave she is - well time I leave the room!
<<hugs>>
Steve
