I have mestastasised (spelling?) stage 3 cancer of the liver (originally colo-rectal). I had 2 liver resections which didn’t quite get everything and radiotherapy didn’t kill the last bit either. A third resection was unsuccessful as they could not remove the affected portion safely. So, I am told it is now inoperable and I will stay on chemo to control and preserve quality of life for as long as possible. We don’t know how long that will be of course … But this post is not (supposed to be) about me. It is about my partner.
She is incredibly supportive. She takes me places when needed and when I need a cry she is there for me. But I don’t feel that I am there for her in the same way. What I would like to know is how I can support her better. What can I do to help her cope with the fear and anxiety she must be suffering. She doesn’t open up about that which I suspect is because she knows I’m rubbish at talking about feelings (and being a man will probably try to fix it).
I’d really appreciate you family members telling me what you have needed and/or found helpful as she needs help too and I don’t want her to feel alone.
Thanks so much for any help you can offer.
Hi BarrysHuman
I really get what you say about talking about feelings and trying to fix things. It was one lesson I learnt through cancer that actually helped to make our marriage stronger than ever.
For me I did a living with less stress course with Maggies and it helped me to realise that I was all the time thinking what if and imagining things a lot worse than they really turned out, Of course life does still like to throw us a curveball and the conscious breathing techniques were really helpful.
Many people find talking a challenge but some people find making the talking incidental to a joint activity can actually help - and of course the most important thing in talking is to listen.
In my workplace we have a load of mental health first aiders and it can be helpful to offload to strangers - even in type on here we get to help others.
Hope some of that helps.
<<hugs>>
Steve
