It’s my first time on here and I think it’s something I would try to make myself feel a bit more normal with how I’m feeling - to see so many people going through the same thing.
My grandad was diagnosed around 4 weeks ago which came to a complete shock to us all. He has had memory loss for a few years and my nan was convinced he had dementia but was tested numerous times. He then got covid last month and had no symptoms at all. Shortly after testing negative he developed a cough and had started to become breathless. He then eventually got took in and my nan phoned me in tears saying they were testing him for cancer. I reassured her they were just ruling things out and we were all convinced he had developed pneumonia from having covid - thinking not much of it and that he would be out in a few days.
A few hours later my mum phoned me saying my grandad had cancer. In the next few days I just felt completely numb and learnt that it was in his lungs, kidneys, lymph nodes and bones and was incurable. They drained the fluid off his lung and sent him home. It then filled back up within a week and he was taken into hospital 2 weeks ago, where he was very confused and struggling to breathe. Before he went into hospital he and my nan had agreed he wouldn’t be having any kind of treatment and after going into hospital he was told he would have about 6 weeks if he had no treatment (I completely respect this decision as I can imagine chemo etc is horrible to go through at any age, but with the same outcome it was the best decision for them)
Fast forward 2 weeks and I’m visiting as often as I can, but I’m struggling staying strong for everyone. My nan has been amazing and is coping very well but I feel like my time is coming to fall apart. I am so close to both my grandparents and always have been so I am absolutely devestated. Seeing my Grandad lose so much weight, become so confused an adgitated is horrible, but I know he knows I am there with him whenever I visit which I am trying to hold onto. I know he doesn’t have long left as he is going downhill so fast to the point he’s not eating and can barely speak and is having sedatives every few hours and it’s horrible to see him like this but I know I will regret not going to see him.
He is my absolute world and I’m not ready to lose him, which I know will hit me hard. Life just feels like an absolute blur at the moment and I don’t know where to turn. Sorry for the long post - I have a very supportive partner and family around me but getting my thoughts down has definitely helped. After reading a few posts on the forum it’s horrible how many people are going through this!
Hi @j97 and welcome to our community though we are always a little bit sorry to find a new friend but is can be amazing feeling we belong and meeting people who understand.
The "staying strong" bit we hear quite a lot - easy words to write but delivery can be a bit different. My experience is with my wife's cancer but fortunately in our case her's is stable and has been that way for some time.
Glad to hear your have good family support though I think everyone on here understands where you are, glad you found writing your story down helped and it will almost certainly help others feel less alone too so thank you for sharing.
<<hugs>>
Steve
