My dad has incurable cancer, progressing really quickly

Hi strawberry_lemonadeand welcome to our community though so sorry to read about your dad.

Glad to hear about your work being flexible, sounds like a good employer and perhaps suggests they value you too. I think everyone here will recognize the rollercoaster and that some days are ok and others not so much. I remember how at work sometimes it could feel like my life was somehow normal again.

I know it may seem trite but your dad will be at the events you talk about - in your heart and in your mind. When my mum and dad were both ill we managed to find a lot of information about their youth and made me even more proud of what they had achieved.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve, thank you for your kind message 

I completely agree with you about feeling like life is somehow normal again when working, I often keep myself busy with things like gardening in the evenings but then it hits me just before bed.

I've also been asking my dad lots of questions and he's been sharing stories, he's always loved telling me about his past so he's been enjoying that. It's just becoming increasingly difficult due to the confusion and dementia-like symptoms he's experiencing now it's in his brain. I just feel so sad and gutted for my dad that this is the end. He was looking forward to retirement and a slower pace of life.

Hi strawberry_lemonade I am in a very similar situation.

My aunt has been told she only has months left to live. She was diagnosed in Oct 2021 with stage 4 ovarian cancer which had already spread to several bones and lymph nodes. Recent scan showed that it had now gone to her kidneys.

I live about 2-3 hour drive away from my family (all I have is my mum and my aunt). 

You're definitely right in describing it as a rollercoaster, when I'm busy it helps but at night and evenings, she is all I can think about. She has changed so much in the last weeks, looking so much more frail, which is hard to take. I keep trying to think back when everything was normal, how she looked, jokes she made but I'm finding that very hard to do at the moment.

Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in feeling how you feel. 

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah I’m sorry for the late reply, and so sorry to hear about your aunt. How are you and your family holding up?

Thank you so much for replying and as you say, it does make me feel less alone although of course I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

As for me, my dad died on the 10th May. We are so heartbroken but when he died it was a relief in a way as he’d become so frail and unable to communicate, he wouldn’t have wanted to live like that. 

Now it’s a few weeks on and we’ve had dad’s funeral I find my memories of my dad in his final weeks are replaced by memories of him when he was fit and healthy, and it’s so hard to think that person who was so full of life isn’t here anymore. 

Sending you hugs xxx 

Hi, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer that has spread nearly 3 weeks ago and it’s been a massive shock. He’s in hospital but hoping to come home when they can get his pain relief right. I live 100 miles away and feel pretty useless and my mums mobility is bad. We’ve been told very little and dont know what to expect or whether to even ask.

joanna 

Hi Joanna I'm so sorry to hear about you dad. Your situation sounds really similar to my own, even to the type of cancer and the living a distance away from your parents. Have you been assigned a Macmillan nurse? They would be a good person to speak to about what to expect etc. I hope you're doing as okay as you can be in the circumstances and do let me know if you'd like to chat x