Mother in Law, we've in shock but coping, I think - liver, lung and I think spleen?

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Hi new friends,

I have been reading your posts all this week and thought I'd introduce myself and say hello Slight smile

Mother in law (not quite as we're same sex partners and not married but it's easier) got over a bowl cancer two years ago and she was like a dog with two tails - she was 87 then and we were so happy to be hearing she was living a lovely life, driving, popping for bits from the shops and we went out most Sundays for lunch.

Recently she complained she knocked herself on the side and there was a bit of a lump... we thought oh, she's almost 90, she's had skin complaints in the past etc.  She's in a very fortunate position to have an healthy bank account - after covid we thought why wait and booked her into the private doctor.  He took one look and was shocked and insisted we get her gp to refer her to hospital (she had tried her gp but I think they're so busy at the moment).

Anyway, she got quite weak so rang 111 and off to the local health access centre who sent her to hospital for a look.

- I just want to add she's quite a conservative lady so doesn't easily show her body apart from wrists, neck and a little ankle - 

This is where I'm losing track of time, she went in Sunday, I think they did a scan (I wasn't there) and they sent her home.  Monday she had a call to go in so my partner took her.... she had a wobble while waiting and fell off her chair so they kept her in.

Tuesday comes and we find out it shows lung problems and liver, I'm stuggling to even type the C word.  My partner was told that the palliative care team would get in touch and she was sent home - although with some oral morphine and some paperwork.... (I wasn't there - covid - can't have too many people etc)... a lot of this seems like chinese whispers.

She's home and partner is staying and doing his best, I've been over when he has been forced into work and just chatted away and made lunch etc...

The first thing is - this news, I could hardly breathe when I heard but had to be there for both him and her so no time to get emotional.

Second, there really is no information?

Third - the palliative people call and tell us it's months rather than weeks and then they call a couple of days later saying weeks rather than months - I really am not blaming anyone but we feel like we're in the dark.

4th - we got a 2-3 times a week nurse for mornings to help her with getting ready and she voiced concerns about her - we're trying to give her privacy and dignity so thought a nurse to help with washes would be good but also check on her 'lump' but I still couldn't tell her more than I've typed this evening.

So far our solutions are:

We haven't told her about the call about the latest news - it's not really a time for her to worry anymore than she needs? (I don't know if we're wrong)

Carer - who is awesome and should charge more (which we'll sort out, she's only been once)


We have ordered a bed for our middle floor (we live in one of those 3 story town houses) so if she wants she can stay and there's a bedroom, sitting room and loo. 

Partner is giving night oral morphine but quite a low dose to keep her comfortable for sleep

Being honest with each other but dodging the 'end of life care' turn of phrase.

I'm going to post this, I don't know what will happen and I don't know anymore than I've said but I just hope that we can make this a happy and if possible pain free for her time... 

I think the upset and stress has to wait.

Love to you all that are experiencing this and probably worse and I've just typed with no conclusion.... it is what it is I guess