Hi.
I am new to this group. Last week my Dad was diagnosed with throat cancer and we are waiting for him to an attend an appointment for extra tests to see if he has Colon Cancer as well. He also only has 25% of his kidneys working.
He is very worried about his wife, my Mum and if she will be ok after he has gone ie finances. He has also spoken about his funeral wishes too.
This is what worries me as although us kids have been told he has Cancer it is like he does not want to tell us the whole situation ie the prognosis.
He does not want his friends or siblings to know he is unwell either.
I am too scared to ask if he has been told how long he has to live and I think our parents despite us kids being grown adults they still try to protect us.
How do I approach this with Mum and Dad. I feel I can’t help them with the practical and emotional side of things as Dad buries his head in the sand and Mum soldiers on and puts a brave face on.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hi DawnJ and welcome to our community although we are always a little bit sorry to see anyone join.
It is not uncommon for people to "hide" the news of a cancer diagnosis, it is not often the subject of a quick chat over coffee and it can often totally change relationships. On the other side of course talking can be hugely beneficial and it is worth recognizing that now with a 1-in-2 chance of cancer in a lifetime cancer is much more common that people think.
When my wife was diagnosed she was clear she never wanted a prognosis (the how long question) and I really struggled with that. What many people find of course is that the oncology team can only give a guess based on averages - often historical and so that answer is not generally helpful.
What might perhaps help you all is to look at Talking about your cancer diagnosis - it is amazing how sharing on here even can make us feel less alone.
<<hugs>>
Steve
