My sister has stage 4 cancer. Expected to live around a year to year and a half. She has an 11 year old child. She’s asking me what she tells her child and what practical decisions she needs to make. How do I help her? I’m heartbroken. She’s my best friend.
Hi Cla3ire
a warm welcome to the community. So sorry to hear about your sister's diagnosis. It's beyond cruel.
I'm no expert here but my husband has a stage 4 diagnosis too. We're in a bit of limbo these days as he's exceeded expectations so far by around three and a half months and we have no fresh prognosis. When he was diagnosed we were strongly advised to "put the affairs in order". So on a practical level that was updating his will, putting a power of attorney in place and sorting out his pension pot. None of it pleasant but all things had to be considered. You don't say how old your sister is but I'm sure most of these will be things to be considered.
Our kids are older so in theory it was easier for them to understand the situation although equally heartbreaking to tell them. My husband told them himself and I picked up the pieces of them. I'm not big on giving advice but I'll share the same words of wisdom with you that I shared with my brother-in-law. With kids you are best being honest with them as far as you can but explain things to them in words and language that they understand. They constantly surprise you with their resilience. Chances are that they already suspect something is happening. Kids these days aren't daft!
I believe there are also some books available to help kids understand and cope with their feelings and emotions. Worth checking with your local hospice if they offer family support. Our local hospice has support available for kids.
Remember you need support here too. This group is great as is Carers only forum - Macmillan Online Community so please reach out if you need someone to listen and offer that virtual hug. There's always someone around who gets it.
It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers check our Online Information and Support Section.
I hope some of this has been just a little bit of help.
For now I'm sending you all a huge virtual hug. Stay strong.
Love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Hi Cla3ire
One of the great books we used with my son in "Secret C: Straight Talking about Cancer" by Julie A. Stokes (might be worth seeing if the library has a copy). I am sure she will have let the school know to as there is a lot of support they can put in place.
If there is a local Maggies centre many offer support groups for children so that may also be worth checking out.
Perhaps the biggest help anyone can give at a time like this is of course make time to listen - not always as easy as it sounds of course.
<<hugs>>
Steve
