My dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in July and died in October last year and I’m totally broken. I think I’m ok sometimes but I’m not. I miss him, I miss his strength. I miss his support emotionally and despite 3 sessions with Sue Ryder , a tonne of meditating and reflecting and more years than ever I just don’t feel better. I miss him so much and it was so quick and I have so much I wish I said and did. I was with him until the end which was both sad and an honour. I feel lonely and people avoid me because im sad. I can’t get the end of life out of my head. He went from fit and healthy to withered and weak and sometimes I wake and I think I’m back in the hospital room and reach for his hand and then it hits me all over again. Really struggling and I don’t even know what I’m hoping for here as so many of us are struggling but I just feel so lost
Hi mcr80
So sorry to read your story and that you have ended up feeling the way you do. There is certainly no right answer for grief though at a friends funeral recently the celebrant said that "grief is the price we pay for love" and that really touched me.
When one of my in-laws lost their mum a thing that tended to trigger their emotions was the tea towel not hanging on the over door. When my dad first died I would break up if I heard the sound of bagpipes.
We were quite lucky with my parents though in that while the last years of their lives presented many challenges they also provided an opportunity for us to spend more time sitting and listening to them and what we found out about their lives before we had ever met them was astounding.
When my wife got cancer I came close to breaking up but managed to find a slot on a living with less stress course. I found the direction they gave me on living in the here and now and appreciating what I have was the most helpful. The conscious breathing exercises were helpful too for dealing with the unexpected but meditation just did not work for me - and that was fine I had the tools I needed.
Nobody is lost in our community, we just all have friends many of whom we will never meet.
<<hugs>>
Steve
