How do I keep going?

Hi Oizys

What you are describing sounds a bit like anticipatory grief where we mourn the future we have lost rather than appreciating what we have now.

What helped my a lot was a course on living with less stress. It helped me to focus on the here and now as I was all too good at predicting problems in the future that never happened. It sometimes seemed life hated us and would send extra problems at us - the conscious breathing exercises were great at helping me cope with the unexpected.

Sometimes it can help to show we are not alright - I have seen people on here whose loved ones think they do not care as they never cried - well I cry but I see it as love leaking out from my eyes.

What I had to learn was how to look after myself and for some of that I needed Janice to be able to be able to shoulder some of the burden too - we do really work much better as a couple.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hey Steve - thank you so much for this.  Do you have a link to that course?  I think maybe something like that could help. I have to do *something*.  I've been advised to talk to my GP but I'm a bit wary - he's good on physical stuff but mental health...not so much.

Thank you, Oizys. I feel low, too, but cannot at the moment manage to cry. Please do give more information on the 'living with less stress' course. Is it available online? I'm what a previous doctor of mine described as 'a catastrophiser'. I know I am. I've also been getting panic attacks with my heart thudding alarmingly. In my case it's my elderly dad that I'm concerned for. He's had a good, generally healthy, long life, for which I'm very thankful, and I want him - eventually - to have a good death, too, but I'm worried about what's going to happen before then.

Hi Oizys,

I'm there too! Just found out my hubby has stage 4 stomach/liver cancer and waiting for endoscopy next week. Like you I'm trying to hold it together and seem positive for him but inside I'm a mess and don't know where to turn or know what to think. Just can't see any point in my life without him, everything I do is with him. How can things change so much in just 2 weeks, all the plans we had just gone. Like everyone on here just trying to take one day at a time but it just feels hopeless. 

Hi Oizys

The course I did was run by Maggies but many local centres arrange something similar and so if there is nothing else near you it might be worth contacting someone like Mind. My workplace also has an employee support programme that enables me to access some counselling. 

<<hugs>>

Steve

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