My friend is I’ll with cancer. I feel like I can’t give any more. I have given so much mental energy over the last couple of years. I have had no time to take in the news for myself or grieve for my friend. I am finding this so difficult with Coronovirus because I feel like her sole support and the pressure to ‘perform’ is huge. I feel emotionally spent. I also am feeling angry because my friend gives no acknowledgement of the effort we are all going to to support her. It’s like she is completely oblivious. Especially in Coronavirus this has been so annoying because we have to constantly check in and ask what she can can and can’t do. She doesn’t give us any information at all so we think of things and then the answer is always no, with no reason behind it and no indication of what she wants.I feel exhausted and like I need a break, but then I feel bad for having a break. I hate the world cancer has put us all into. It’s been going on for around 2 years now and I don’t feel like I have any emotional space from it. I miss my friend and I miss my life when everything was good. I know I’m not ‘meant’ to be angry but I do feel that way. Maybe it is displaced anger. I don’t feel like I can carry on like this.
Hi Thursday45
Sorry to hear about your friend and the impact it is having on you. I wonder if what you are experiencing might be burnout https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-recover-from-burnout and it can be easy to mistake for anger but the good news is when we recognize the issue we can take steps to try to address things.
We all need to have some down time, many carers - including me - at some point hit the "I have nothing left to give" and then realise we all need to make some time for ourselves doing something we enjoy - including of course doing nothing.
It may help to ring the helpline here and talk through some of the issues as they may be able to suggest support both for you and your friend.
<<hugs>>
Steve
