Mum just got diagnosed.

Hi all.

My amazing mum got diagnosed with grade 2 breast cancer yesterday :(. She needs a lumpectomy/masectomy and chemo and radio. She’s been told it’s not palliative and cureable. She’s being strong and positive and is a fighter and wants to be treated normally.

why do I feel like I’m falling apart? One minute I’m fine and laughing and distracted and the next I realise this is a living nightmare and I’m crying tears and feeling guilt (I was the child and made everything about me), anger, sadness and want to take it away so she doesn’t suffer I’d rather suffer so she doesn’t.

my friends and family have been amazing support and there for me. But I feel so alone. Is this normal? Am I alone? 

  • It’s so disorienting! Everything has just changed and for the next few months your life will be so different. It’s totally normal, I felt that way when my sister had cancer and it’s different when it’s your mum. No matter how supportive, you can’t tell your friend you’re going to punch the next person who says something well meaning or stupid or can they keep their cancer stories to themselves! So it’s oddly isolating. Cancer does affect everyone in the family, and guess what? You are the child!! No matter how old you get!!  The term emotional rollercoaster is a cliche for a reason, your emotions go through it. If you can get yourself some counselling, it really helps, use the Macmillan helpline too, they are great at being there for you and not judging. Be kind to yourself, treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend. Massive hugs x

  • You’re so right Anna. When I broke the news to my friends I did put in a disclaimer in my message ‘I don’t want any cancer stories whatsoever’ but to be honest one friend I told his mum had it twice and is still alive and in remission. So his story actually made me feel more positive. I did also get woken by the postman and my best friend sent me a huge bright delivery of flowers saying simply she’s always there for me. Which actually made me have my first good day since the diagnosis. I think there’s going to be good and bad days. I think  I will contact Macmillan for a chat and I’ve self referred myself for counselling. Thank you Anna, your worlds helped me massively and also sending you hugs x 

  • I’m so pleased that you have got people there who are making you feel supported. It’s always nice to hear good news headlines definitely you’re right, and there are lots of them out there. Just remember everyone reacts differently to treatments, so one persons experience may not be your mums, you can be on exactly the same drugs and have different reactions. Do contact Macmillan, they are brilliant, I’ve called them in dark moments and it’s definitely helped. Have fun with your mum too, still do things together as best you can on those good days! My daughter and I have been for cream teas, day trips, etc. The cancer is scary but in some ways it’s been a bonding experience, we’ve gone through it together, it’s bittersweet xx