Father’s terminal cancer

Hi

My father is terminally ill with prostate cancer. He spent 4 weeks in hospital/ local hospice but has been back home for almost two weeks. Although he has carers come to the house 3 times a day, he is declining rapidly. My mother has limited mobility and has lost the use of her right hand after a brain tumour was removed in 2020 so everything takes so much longer for her to do and she is now exhausted looking after my father.

He is now at a point where you can’t really have a lucid conversation with him and at times his speech is jumbled. He is becoming aggressive and the strain on the whole family is rapidly increasing. His palliative care nurse is hoping he can be fast tracked into a nursing home to allow for 24 hour care. We are all trying to do our best but it is just exhausting. My brother lives with my parents and works full time nights so is struggling to get the sleep he needs. Although I live 30 miles away, I go to my parents house every Sunday to provide some care for mum and do anything I can to help and support. 

I just wonder how long he will have to suffer like this I worry for my mum who is already struggling to watch him decline and personally find it hard to just keep plodding through the days, juggling full time work and care responsibilities lurching from one crisis to the next.

How does anyone else cope with it physically and emotionally? There doesn’t seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

  • Hello MinionG

    Please accept my apologies for the delay in responding to this post, I am so sorry to read that things at the time of writing had become so difficult for each of you. 

    How are things at the moment?

    Lowe'

    Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.
    Tomorrow is not promised but it always has potential. Aim for your potential!
  • Hi Lowe

    Things are certainly tough all round. My mum is almost at breaking point and we are desperately hoping Adult Services can fast track him into a nursing home. My brother and I are doing what we can and we really can only take things one day at a time. That’s all we can do I guess. 

  • Minion, 

    Why did the hospice send your Father home, is there no way he can be re-referred for a bed with them?

    It it unfortunate that sometimes the recognition of how extremely difficult it is coping with someone who is so very ill can be, still continues to happen.  Your Mum needs some support of her own, as you and your brother may too. I am not sure if you have already seen some of the advice given HERE by Macmillan if not there may be some things that will benefit both Mum and yourselves in the coming weeks. 

    You or Mum can always call the Macmillan advice line, they may be able to assist with contacting social care or give other advice which will help move things along.. that is what they are brilliant at.  The number is in my signature... 

    Take care of you. and I really hope that the support that is needed comes to you all soon.

    Lowe'

    Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.
    Tomorrow is not promised but it always has potential. Aim for your potential!
  • Thanks for your suggestions Lowe. My father has been taken into hospital again and will then be moved to either the local hospice or a nursing home. Although it’s hard to make these decisions, I think as a family we have no choice and he will at least get the professional care that he needs. Sadly I think we are close to the end but all we can do is support each other and him.