Mum just diagnosed

Hi H2k476,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I can relate to how you are feeling. My dad was diagnosed in November with stage 4 stomach cancer.

From the day that he had his 2 week wait referral I was terrified of the outcome, which did turn out to be what I had feared.

I totally sympathise with feeling so sad all of the time and not being able to picture a world without our parents. I cant stop crying and I feel exhausted.

The waiting for more information all of the time is absolutely awful. You cant help but imagine the worst. My dad didnt want to know his prognosis though which I felt relieved about.

When we were waiting for all of his results I was finding it so hard to get up every morning. I just didnt want to get out of bed and face the day, as when I'm asleep it's the only time I dont feel sad.

I did find that when my dad got told his treatment plan, I did start to feel a bit better and just hoping that the chemo will work.

He was due his second round this week, but the day before he had blood when he passed a stool, which they have said is the tumour bleeding. They didnt do the chemo, and instead did radiotherapy on Friday to try and dry up the bleeding. He is still in hospital and the not knowing of when he will come out is making me feel like I did at the beginning of everything. I'm terrified that they are going to say that they will not carry on with the chemo.

I find it so hard when people say to me that I have to make great memories and make every day special with him. It's so much pressure.

I just want my dad to get better and it breaks my heart that he is unwell with this awful illness.

It is so hard to cope with, but hopefully you have people around you to offer you support.

I'm sorry that I dont have any coping mechanisms or advice (I'm still trying to figure there out myself), but I wanted to reply so you to let you know that I know what you are going through.

I find that I feel guilty if I try to do something nice for myself to tey and take my mind off of it, but people keep telling me I shouldn't, and that I need to look after myself so I can be there for my dad, which I agree is important.

I suffer with anxiety and this has really been the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. I feel like I wont ever be properly happy again without my dad. Even when I do enjoy something or something makes me happy, I immediately think of my dad and it makes me sad again.

It does help chatting on here though knowing that there are people out there who are going through the same thing and can relate.

There is also hope though, and that is something you really need to hold on to. I have read some miraculous stories on here about people who have defied all odds.

I'm wishing you all the best and am here if you need someone to talk to. xx

Hello, 

Hi H2k103,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, no one should ever experience the pain you are feeling, and at such a young age too. Last week my mum had a similar diagnosis, we too are waiting to see the consultant next week and every word you have written I could have written myself. I have three young children who are very close to my mum too and I can’t even begin to describe the pain I feel when I think about them growing up without her. You say you keep thinking about childhood memories, I can relate. Everytime I’m with my thoughts for a moment in the silence, I have what is like a tape playing in my mind, snap shots of our life together, from being a child right through to now. 

I posted a few days ago and a lovely person in the group msged me back, and explained that I’m experiencing anticipatory grief, I think you could be too. I am so sorry I can’t offer you advice, but know you are not alone in your feelings. If you ever want to talk please get In touch xxx