When i finally got my husband home on wednesday after 7 nights in hospital for brutal chemo i was just so pleased to have him home. I've been getting messages today and realising everyone has plans for new years eve - i had forgotten all about it. Usually we are with friends or on holiday somewhere in the sun and this year i'll be amazed if my husband is awake after 7pm. I just want to curl up on the sofa and cry - i dont even know if he'll make it to next new years eve as he is stage 4.I dont begrudge anyone able to celebrate this evening i am just so so sad. I know its not going to happen, and i know i'm being selfish but i just want our old life back - we're in our 50's and have so many plans.
I guess i'm in the petulant "its not fair, why us" phase - but i know the reality is why not us. We're all human. I've had skin cancer a couple of times so i was banking on me being the 1 in 2 impacted - i just hope this bodes well for our 2 boys in their 20's.
I hope you all get to celebrate in some way - getting my husband to eat a little bit will be a big milestone for me right now.
