Hi, posted on here recently regarding my mum.
My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in February 2021 and in September Brain mets which was treated with SRS radiotherapy in November. She began to loose her mobility in December which led to hospital for a week where they found there was swelling In the area after the CT scan. Its all happened so fast and they can’t offer any further treatment. The hospital told us she would need 4 times a day care, but this would not be available for weeks so in order to have a little bit of Christmas with her and so we could take my 6 year old to see her they suggested the local Hospice. I knew this went against what my mum had wanted as she always wanted to be home so my step dad and I both felt bad agreeing. The hospice is a nice place calmer than a hospital, less clinical and the staff are very kind. My mum spent the first 3 days mainly sleeping not saying much and her eating improved. She can even feed herself. Her left side was weak and she was not able to move her arms or legs in hospital, but now can move them both. The Doctor’s have said the strength isn’t there to stand though.
On day 4 she became more alert, but with that she is screaming and quite rude and aggressive to everyone asking to be discharged and to be taken home. She has begged me and I keep telling her when we have the carers we can take her home. She will not accept that and keeps repeating herself it’s very upsetting to see her so unsettled. She is focused on that and that alone. When we visit daily there is no other conversation as she isn’t interested in anything else, but going home. I feel like I’ve lost her already. I wish we could get her home, but myself and my step dad just wouldn’t be able to cope without carers. Even with carers I don’t know if she’d have enough care. I live 5 mins away with my husband and daughter so will always be close by. The nights are a real worry. I also find it strange she doesn’t complain about pain anywhere and is only on paracetamol, where as before she was on a lot of medication including morphine.
I wonder if she was home would she be more settled at least regarding her environment. I would like to know how others have found the 2 carers / 4 times a day care for someone in my mums situation.
Thank you
Hi NickyB19
Sorry to hear about your mum and while it was a bit in the past based on parents rather than our current situation can understand how you are feeling.
I know too that my wife gets stir crazy fairly quickly in hospital - but while she is "known" to the local hospice we have never had call on their services - though at one point my wife did need a daily visit from the district nurse to tend to an open wound after her hyserectomy.
My parents did just about manage with 4 visits a day from carers, it would not have been possible for them to stay at home without them and the hospital knew that and would not discharge without a proper care plan in place. As you say your family do need to remember they need to look after themselves too - carers are sometimes not so good at that and it is really important - I know I have almost broken down at times but driven by desperation I reached out for help.
Hope you find some good carers - they can be a real wonder to help everyone cope.
<<hugs>>
Steve
