mum diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer.

Hello Rose tree

It can be very difficult, especially when the person you love is in hospital, as this restricts what you are personally able to do, the fear of the unknown, of what is going on, or what may happen next all add to the difficulties you are experiencing right now, but it is good that you have joined this forum, you are welcome here. 

I can see that you have had some lovely responses and been signposted here from other forums, and I hope that others will be along soon to chat with you, it is far better to be able to communicate , even with a stranger, who understands at a time like this. 

Thinking of you and Mum, hoping she will be out of hospital soon. 

Take Care 

Lowe'

Thank you Lowe, All that is so true. I think also I'm the sort of person who doesn't like to bother the staff when I go into the hospital. You go and see your loved one and no one approaches you and if you're quite shy you don't ask , when you know you should. You leave feeling upset and like you've not helped at all. Thats when I reached out to Macmillan and as they were based at the hospital they straight away got onto the ward and the next time I went in the doctor sought me out and it just reassured me that everything that needed to be done was being done. Macmillan have all that experience and speak their language-it was a small thing really but has helped me feel loads better.

 My mum was good today and I spoke to the dietitian but she is still eating so little. And I can't blame them -if she can't be persuaded by me to eat a few sips how would the nurses have better joy? I know she is so desperate to get home. I really worry that I won't be able to make this happen. 

 It is good to know that you're not alone and I think the online community will help me as I get more into it. It's good to have a sounding board. It's good to be able to voice fears that I try not to bother my family with. They are very supportive but we talk enough about it all and sometimes you just want your home to be a haven from the worry. After my mums diagnosis I couldn't sleep at all, its horrible how it affects everyone in ways you never thought. I am sleeping better now-I think especially as mum is a bit more settled...I can switch off better. I was even feeling guilty when I ate because I couldn't stop thinking about how she can't enjoy these foods and probably never will again. She's not too keen on the pureed food in the hospital. Then I put it out of my mind and then feel guilty for being able to do that!

  Mum has decided to have a stent. I'm not sure she really wants it but she sees it as possibly a ticket home. I really hope it does help. I've heard they can be painful until they get the right kind of painkillers but I'm just praying she'll be one of the 20 percent for who it goes swimmingly. I think it's booked for Monday if she doesn't change her mind.

 Thank you for your well wishes-much appreciated. She was definitely more herself today and not so tearful when I had to leave, so all good. 

Rose tree. x

Hi Rose Tree,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. It's so hard having a loved one with this awful disease.

My dad got diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer a few weeks ago, and is due to start chemo in a week or so.

I completely relate to so much of what you have said. I too feel guilty eating nice food as I know that my dad no longer enjoys eating like he used to (eating used to be one of his biggest pleasures in life and it makes me so sad watching him eat now as he eats a lot slower and cant eat as much). I also feel guilty when I then try to put these thoughts out of my mind. But I try to remind myself that my dad wouldn't want me to feel guilty.

Have they offered your mum fortisip complan? They are basically a meal in a pot I think, and my dad has got these on prescription. I think they basically taste like a milkshake, and they are only 125ml, so not too much to get down.

My dad also got offered some soups on prescription by his nutritionist. Apologies as I can't remember what yeh are called, but it might be worth looking into.

Wishing you and your mum all the best, and in hope she gets strong enough for her treatment soon.

X

Hi Link 103,

sorry to hear about your dad. It is such a horrible cancer. I want to encourage you- it is great that your dad is going forward with chemo. The first time my mum had cancer she  coped really well with the chemo and it completely reduced the tumour to the size of a dot. Then she had 10 wonderful years. I really wish the best for your dad. It is possible to beat it and especially if after you look after yourself- maybe to never come back. Unfortunately my mum was unable to give up smoking and I think that’s why she got a new cancer but it is very hard to give up if you’ve been smoking all your life.

  My mums stent didn’t go ahead this week. The medical team decided that she is too frail. At present she is on oxygen and is fighting  a chest infection. They say there is nothing more they can do for her. It was very hard to hear. I feel utterly helpless, useless. I don’t know what happens next. The doctor said she needs assessing for to go home but they don’t seem to be able to get any food in her. She hasn’t been out of bed and has been getting weaker and weaker since being in hospital. I’m hoping to get a bit more clarity on what’s next when I go in Friday. It’s hard also being some distance away as I can’t visit every day.

luckily my aunt is local so we are all sharing visits to try to keep mums spirits up. 
thanks for the food tips btw yes we have the fortisips but can’t seem to be able to get the soups. 
I keep taking my own extra cream versions of soup too just anything to try but she often doesn’t feel like it. Just have to keep trying.

thanks for the support. It really helps to know you’re not alone.

rose tree. 

i'm so sorry to read this. What a blow to go through this twice. Sounds like your mum is a strong lady to have beaten it before. Hopefully having a rest in hospital will give her the strength to do it again. Such a worrying time though. I was dreaming about my husband's funeral last night and i remember being so so angry - we dont even know what type of Sarcomas he has yet - just that there are 5 in his stomach. Biopsy tomorrow. Sending you thoughts and love 

Hi Hermes,

You are right about that! Even now when she is so frail-in her mind she is strong. We may have good news this morning in that now she cannot have the stent they want her out asap-need the bed I suppose so she was mega chirpy when I spoke to her this morning. Just hope it really is going ahead. Am waiting to hear from the palative care team. Can't imagine really that they have everything in place to support her at home but we'll see. I must admit I don't believe anything until its actually happening. None of the doctors have said anything to me. I am going in tomorrow though so no doubt will find out more then or before.

What an awful dream you had. I think anger can be good though Hermes. Use it...chanel it. And remember so much of what goes on we have no control over. Good luck on your husbands biopsy's. Stay strong.

thankyou - i;m already collating a list of questions to ask the oncologist next week when we get the results of the biopsy. Unfortunately i am a control freak so this is driving me insane but its so lovely to be able to speak to people like you and hopefully give and receive and support. i wont let the doctors tell me nothing - Marc was asked how much he wants to know and he said he's not sure. So the agreement is that he will leave the room or the phone call and they will tell me everything. Marc is under the care of the Marsden which is a reason to be positive at least but its hard to be positive for Marc and the kids when i am terrified. This was not in our game plan. I've had skin cancer a couple of times but that is nothing - they just burn it off - this is a whole different ball game, You stay strong too xxx