Hi all,
Hope everyone is doing well.
Recently my mum got a lung cancer diagnosis and she started treatment a few days ago with her first chemotherapy. I was awoken this morning to hearing her sobbing in bed because of how much pain she is in. It absolutely breaks my heart to see and hear it, especially as there's nothing I can do.
I'm trying to be really strong for my mum, I've dropped everything and moved back home to look after her and help my dad. I've organised her many medications and when to take them so she doesn't have to worry about it, and I'm trying to support as much as possible. And I don't mind doing any of this of course!! But it is so terribly draining and tiring and scary and painful (and I suffer with depression as is which prob doesn't help!) and I don't want to show my mum how sad I get, or the times I cry, because I don't want her to feel worse.
I was wondering if anyone had any advice as to how they dealt with being an emotional support to someone going through cancer and treatment. My mum's only thought right now is what if it has spread or the chemo doesn't work. And that's so understandable and seeing her so scared all the time is heartbreaking, especially as I'm just as scared and trying so hard not to show it.
I think I'm also struggling with the fact that I've had to cancel all my plans for the month so won't be able to do any of the things I wanted to or see any friends. Even just saying that makes me so so selfish, I know that. I guess it's just draining me to suddenly become a carer and put my life on hold.
How have you guys found the balance between caring for someone and still maintaining your own life? I want to head to my home down south for the weekend, just to see my partner but just the thought of doing that and leaving makes me feel so guilty. Does anyone else struggle with this? Or am I just extraordinarily selfish? I feel I need to have a few days with my partner for my own mental health but the thought of leaving just makes me feel so bad so I'm really struggling with what to do and how to balance it all. I don't want her to think I'm abandoning her because that's the last thing I'm going to do.
And I guess I just am really terrified. The thought of losing her makes me want to cry and never stop crying. She's the most important person in my life and I love her so much. I'm just really struggling coming to terms with it all as its so new so any advice would be really appreciated.
Thank you all so much x
Hi Franks
The skill of learning how to look after ourselves while caring for another can be a really difficult one and often we only get to do it by getting somebody to help us - that asking for help though can feel really challenging. I know I wanted to be "strong" until it got too much and I found my local Maggies.
The best help I got was a living with less stress course. I leant I was living all the time in that horrible future world where by wife was gone and working out how will I cope when... and it stopped me getting and pleasure out of things in the here and now. In to that mix of course life threw things totally out of the blue.
The last thing you are are selfish - or so are the rest of us many of whom have been coping with cancer in our lives for quite some time now. There is a lot of support out there for carers because putting it simply without us the health care system could not cope. There are lots of groups that can help give support or just point in the direction that support might be given, if you look at our In your area tool hopefully you will find something near you but post on here too anytime.
<<hugs>>
Steve
