Nervous about oncology appointment

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Hi,

I found out a couple of weeks ago that my dad has stomach cancer, but that we had to wait for the CT scan results to know whether it was operable or not.

5 days later, my dad got a call from a Macmillan nurse telling him that someone would be in touch to book his appointment with the oncologist. He asked if she had the CT scan results, which she said she did and asked if he wanted to know, which he said 'yes'.

She said it had spread, so an operation was not possible and it would be chemo. When I spoke to my dad I asked him where it had spread to, but he said he didn't ask and didn't really want to know.

She did make a comment that his bloods were good, but we are not sure what this means.

He now has his oncology appointment on Friday this week (9 days after the call from the Macmillam nurse).

I've read his letter from his initial appointment were he got told he had cancer, and it said the cancer is through most of his stomach and if it was not operable (which it isnt) treatment would be palliative.

I am going out of my mind with worry about what we are going to be told at his oncologist appointment on Friday. I'm so scared that they are going to say that he has only a few months.

I've been googling everything to an obsessive level, and some stuff says palliative doesnt necessarily mean 'the end' and that some patients can go on for months or years.

But I've also read that stomach cancer doesnt have a good survival rate.

I dont want Friday to come as I feel any small glimmer of hope I have at the moment will be shattered. No one seems to understand how I am feeling and the fear that I am feeling.

He doesn't seem that unwell except for struggling to eat as much as he used to, and also breathless due to being anaemic.

I'm just so scared about the appointment.

Does anyone have any advice on what sort of things they say? Do they literally tell you how long they think you have left?

I'm so scared.

  • Hi

    If a cancer is localised then a surgical removal is generally seen as the best option but once it has spread then chemotherapy can treat the whole body in one go. There are lots of chemotherapy options though and they are getting better all the time.

    Some times treatment is described as curative i.e. at some point the cancer might be gone. Never an option in the case of my wife but her cancer has stopped growing - does mean she has cancer for the rest of her life but we are now at six years and still going strong. Often the term palliative is used rather loosely the dictionary definition is "Minimising the progression of a disease and relieving undesirable symptoms for as long as possible" - I will take that then - stable is our new gold standard.

    Janice never wanted to know how long (a prognosis) and I really struggled with that. An issue is they are at best a guess based on historic data and based on averages - I have seen so many people outlive a prognosis but occasionally the devastation when someone did not make it. It does require some thought as to if it is something your dad would want to know.

    It can be worth taking a pen and paper to the appointment to take a note of anything that you might want to find our more of - lots of people on here with shared experiences might be able to help.

    <<hugs>>

    Steve

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  • Hi src60,

    Thank you so much for replying to my post.

    I'm so sorry to hear that you and your wife are having to live with this terrible illness.

    We have the oncologist appointment this afternoon. I'm so scared and anxious about what they are going to say. I feel like my whole world is going to come crashing down after the appointment, as I'm so worried they are going to say the cancer has spread everywhere and that treatment won't do much.

    People say to stay positive, but I find it so hard. I feel like what's the point, as I would just be setting myself up for disappointment.

    I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the day with the waiting, and the thought that this afternoon all.my hope will be gone.